This is the fourth entry in “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” a series of guest posts about the working mom/stay-at-home dilemma. It’s written by Shari Simpson, the co-writer of the comedy “Maybe Baby, It’s You” , (Dramatic Publishing, Inc.) and the non-dizzy redhead behind the blog “Earth Mother just means I’m dusty.” She is also the editor of Mommy Poppins NJ and writes a weekly humor column for Aiming Low.
Shari won a 2006 Telly Award in the “Social Issues” category for her short film script “Positive Choice” and writes for the HOPE Worldwide children’s theater group, The Story Tree Gang, targeting at-risk youth. In her spare time, she is a Girl Scout Troop leader for 30 painfully adorable 8-year olds.
Shari is one of my first blogger friends and is someone I feel very privileged to know in real life. I’m so honored that she agreed to guest post in this series.
I Don’t Know How She Does It, Either,
Oh. Wait. Are we talking about me?
Ohhhhhh, sorry. In that case–
I still don’t know how she does it.
Divine intervention?
I have a vivid memory of attending a parenting workshop at my church. The man who was speaking put a huge plastic container on the table and said,
“You could fill this container with the amount of important things there are to do in this world. Important, desirable, fun, exceptional things.”
Then he placed a slender glass next to it.
“And this is the amount of time that you have.”
Let us raise a slender glass to important endeavors, exceptional pursuits, and delightful, soul-stirring pastimes. I want to do them all. Passionately. I simply cannot understand and have no patience for people who are bored. There is nothing, outside of shopping in strip malls, that bores me.
But there is a wide chasm between what is important and what is essential.
I have to be extremely careful to fill my glass with the essential. Luckily, I’ve been given a sensitive internal meter with which to judge myself. When I’m feeling uplifted, hopeful and full of excitement, I know that I’m filling my glass with the right things. When I’m feeling frazzled, frayed and grim, I know that I’m trying to jam a whole world of experiences into my wee little stein.
Please don’t misunderstand. I am not speaking of the general “fried” feeling of daily life, trying to balance work and parenting. I am a work-at-home Mom (but you can call me WAHM, you know, because we’re close), and that has its own very particular set of challenges. I’m typing this article and thinking about three deadlines I have to meet and I’m making lunch and doing laundry and letting the dogs out and tallying Girl Scout Cookie orders and answering emails from school and praying it’s not about head lice again—who wouldn’t be frazzled? For all of us, whether you’re WAHM or SAHM or WM or my own personal acronym DJBWAWM (Don’t Judge Because We All Work Mom), daily life can make you feel like a pair of distressed jeans from Bulldog Apparel (<not an affiliate link, just an analogy).
I’m talking about the other kind of distress. The distress of confused priorities, misplaced treasures and essentials gone AWOL. My “essential” is my relationship with God. When that’s the first thing I pour into my cup (followed by some strong Starbucks and as a particularly “special” day wears on, perhaps a shot of Irish whiskey), all is right in my world. When something else vies for that spot, whether it be important and good (family, work) or unimportant but still captivating (trying to impress, hell-bent on convincing others that I’m worthy), I’m not a whole lot of fun. Ask my kids.
Actually, hang on a minute.
Okay, I just asked my kids. “What’s the most important thing in the world to Mommy?” They looked at me a bit suspiciously. “God.” Yes! Score! And then my son said, “And eating protein.” O-kay. Not what I would have guessed, but better than “And your computer.”
So how does she do it? Divinely, Dahling.
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Love DJBWAWM. I’m going to ask my kids what’s most important to mom – I’m almost afraid of what they’ll say.
I know. I actually did it right as I was writing the article and I really prayed they were going to say something good since I had to be truthful 🙂
So well written…beautiful balance between humour and reality. I especially love the metaphor of time vs priorities. Because that’s what it’s all about right? Deciding which priorities are urgent/not urgent; important/not important. Sometimes I want to get ‘stuff’ done without thinking how trivial it is vs the big picture.
I know, Elissa, that’s the hardest thing for me, honestly. My nature tends to place minute things on the same level with major things. That’s when I call that image to mind and it always helps. Thanks for commenting!
Wow, this was fantastic, Shari. I loved it.
Thank you, dear Ann! And I’m honored that you came over, because I know you’re already in LTYM-land. I hear it’s very warm and nice there.
GUTSY POST. I like to think I have a spiritual connection, even cosmic collaborators– but spend a heck of a lot of time wandering (alone) in the desert… Hmmm.
Thank you for saying the “gutsy” word, Anne. This was not an easy post for me to write, to be honest, you know, because of the whole “unimportant, but still captivating(trying to impress)” thing. But this is genuinely who I am, and genuine is always better, even if others disagree, right? Thanks for reading.
If I asked my kids what was the most important thing in my life, they would say my iPhone. I envy you for having kids that replied in such an honest, spiritual way. Your next post (on DustyEarthMother.com) needs to be about how to make sure your kids know how important your religion is to you!
That’s a great idea, Holly. I’ll do it. And thanks so much for letting me write for this series, it was truly inspiring to me.
Oh I love this. And you. Also – are you still selling Girl Scout Cookies?
As a matter of fact, Tracy, sales start TODAY. How about that for timing?
Great Post and This is YOU! I love you!
I love you back. Vegas all the way, baby.
Great post Shari!
thanks, Bre, for coming over to read!
As someone who can’t even pretend to put the fall-back “spiritual” in her beliefs category, there’s something to envy about starting the “essentials” glass with the Divine. I have respect for it, but it’s not me. And I guess what I’m trying to put into my glass first is figuring out my own self – because happy, fulfilled mom makes for happy, not-getting-yelled-at family.
I really like that you include other coping mechanisms – Irish Coffee, anyone? – because that’s real life, real people. Thank you for sharing how you do it all!
Thanks, mighty one. And here’s to the not-getting-yelled-at family you treasure.
THIS IS YOU.
The well you draw from.
Love you, Dusty…so very much.
xo
I love you too, Empress. I really do. Not just in comments but in real-people life.
Oh, this is lovely. I love the way you think and your view of life, Shari.
Cheers to you!
🙂 Anna
Thank you, dear friend. Cheers back at ya.