One Traveling Mom to Another: Leave the Guilt at Home

Traveling Mom

I just came back from my third SOLO trip away from home since the new year.  You read that right: SOLO.  Sans enfants.  No kids.  Just me.  You know what that means, don’t you?  Quality time for me, myself and I.  As much as I love traveling with my kids, both in NYC and away from home, a trip on my own is a novelty these days.  I no longer have business trips or expense accounts, so the odd conference or press trip is a real treat.   I also no longer have the guilt I used to feel when going away on business.  I actually just came back from the Traveling Mom Blogger Retreat in Orlando.  Imagine three days of learning, meeting fabulous women and getting to experience the magic of Walt Disney World.  Brilliant.  I’ll be writing more about that trip in the upcoming days on the Traveling Mom web site.  My first article went up today.

I’ll never forget that first time I had to go away from home for 3 days/2 nights.  It was to Washington, D.C. for BEA, Book Expo of America.  My two kids were ages 1-1/2 or 2 and 3, I think, and I had never been away.  I had been back at work for about six months.  My days in the office were well spent.  I got to work early, worked through lunch, and was home by dinnertime.  I was very respected at work and when it came time to choose who would attend BEA, I was chosen.  I was thrilled to be going to Washington, D.C. on my own.  While I was there, I would meet up with a dear cousin and her family, one of my best friends, get to know my colleagues better and I did love BEA.  It would give me an opportunity to see my old colleagues from the job I left when my kids were born and absorb myself in the publishing industry.  BEA truly is the big publishing event of the year.

And it was good.  I did have a good time.  But I worried and called home often.  I wasn’t sure how my husband would cope without me, nor did I think the kids could manage without me.  I got the occasional fearful call from my husband about not finding something, not knowing how to handle a particular situation with the kids.  Whether I imagined it or not, by the third day, I felt as though they needed me home and I left the conference slightly before scheduled to return home to NY.  I’ve always regretted that.  While my return was met with glee, I realized that they could have all waited a few more hours. My next job was with a company based in Chicago, and my arrangement was a work-at-home plan with monthly trips to Chicago.  I slowly began to relish my trips away from home, but the kids were still very young and there was so much planning involved before I would go away each month…and expensive babysitters.

Twice in my absence while I was at work when the kids were young, my son ended up in the hospital getting stitches for injuries that could have been unavoidable.  I hated being away having to worry that something could happen to my children.  Having a good babysitter is the best way to avoid disasters; that I have definitely learned over time.  I now can honestly say that I really enjoy my solo trips and I know how to leave everything at home ready to run smoothly in my absence.

Here are some of the benefits of traveling without the kids:

- Packing is easier.  There is so much work that goes into planning and packing a family up.  I don’t mind it. But packing for one is certainly easier than packing for four.  Plus, I don’t have to worry about getting stopped by security for bring snow globes on the plane, which my daughter inevitably packs in her carry-on every time we travel.

- Traveling alone nourishes the soul. I have time to read whole books on the plane rides.  When I’m traveling alone, I have time to think about myself while I’m away and possibly do things I might not be able to do with the kids in tow, like write, shop or work out.  I can even meet people at the bar for drinks.

-  Time takes on a new life for me.  With a break in the routine, there are suddenly no dishes to wash or floors to sweep, no mouths to feed, no chauffeuring to do, I am channeled back to a time that was more me-focused, and that’s just fine.  I can choose how to spend time as I see best for me.   Of course, that always includes daily check-in calls to the house and trips to the store to buy gifts for my children.  Please don’t think take this article as a statement that I love to get away from my kids, as I know one person reading this will.  It’s just not a bad thing to have a change of scenery. I can also take a nap whenever I like, or take a long bath with a cup of tea in hand.

-  You’ll appreciate coming home even more.  While I love to get away, see new things and meet new people, I also love missing my family, missing my life and coming back to reality.

-  When you travel without kids, you can eat wherever and whenever you like. I love ethnic food far more than American food.  While we do drag the kids where we want to eat back home, we do have the honor of watching our daughter squirm in her seat at the thought of eating something exotic or healthy.  When I travel, I have the opportunity of eating in high quality restaurants, eating gourmet food in civilized settings where my kids wouldn’t quite belong.

-  I also love being able to go out late at night, or go to a museum during the day, without having to worry about my children or anything being family-friendly. When we travel, we often come back to the room after dinner, and we have to turn off the lights and anything technical in the room so the kids can catch some z’s.

-  Peace and quiet: sometimes a break from sibling spats and meltdowns is just what the doctor ordered.  Coming back after a spell alone for a few days, I’m better equipped, and certainly more patient, to deal with it.

Of course, if you are planning a trip without the kids, and you haven’t done it before, either with or without your partner, the best thing to do is to ORGANIZE yourself before you leave.  Get a sitter you really trust, or leave them with friends or family members; leave a detailed itinerary for your kids; leave medical information; make sure the kids will be happy and are able to contact you if necessary; and check in on occasion, but not too much.  Chances are that, for the most part, they’ll be good hands and you don’t need to worry for no reason.  Happy parents make for happy kids, and this will be a good way to prove both sets are satisfied.

Disclosure: The majority of my trip to Orlando was covered by the folks at Traveling Mom and Disney. However, all opinions expressed above are my own.