Comments on: My Life Works, but my Feelings About It Don’t by Emily Paster /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/ For moms who aren't ready to trade sushi for hot dogs. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:10:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Elena /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2845 Elena Sun, 29 Jan 2012 14:22:58 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2845 Such an honest and important perspective. I work full time and I crave, desperately, the ability to do more for my family- volunteering at school, having time to cook instead of being rushed the minute I get home, and even gym and writing time. You made a choice, for your family, for your own balance--you gave yourself and your family the gift of you. xo Such an honest and important perspective. I work full time and I crave, desperately, the ability to do more for my family- volunteering at school, having time to cook instead of being rushed the minute I get home, and even gym and writing time. You made a choice, for your family, for your own balance–you gave yourself and your family the gift of you. xo

]]> By: elissapr /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2810 elissapr Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:22:10 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2810 I think Christie brings up a really important point - when your kids are growing, or grown, and they need 'less' of you...then what? I run into too many mothers who are now in the 'mommy vortex'; kids in school all day and carpooling isnt quite doing it for them. Re-entering the workforce for these 'vortex' moms isn't easy; confidence is low and uncertainty is high. Plus, many are looking for hours from 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. I've had coffee with many a mommy who left a fulfilling career only to wonder how they are going to get back there... I think Christie brings up a really important point – when your kids are growing, or grown, and they need ‘less’ of you…then what? I run into too many mothers who are now in the ‘mommy vortex’; kids in school all day and carpooling isnt quite doing it for them. Re-entering the workforce for these ‘vortex’ moms isn’t easy; confidence is low and uncertainty is high. Plus, many are looking for hours from 9 a.m. – 3 p.m. I’ve had coffee with many a mommy who left a fulfilling career only to wonder how they are going to get back there…

]]> By: Kristin /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2809 Kristin Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:21:01 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2809 I forgot to mention this in my response below, but as a feminist, I feel strongly that it is the ability to MAKE the choices - not the choices we make - that defines our commitment to each other. Witholding judgement and trusting that women can and do make the most of whichever situation they end up in is key. And I say that with some of the "I'm going to screw it all up" thoughts you talk about being terrified of as well. I forgot to mention this in my response below, but as a feminist, I feel strongly that it is the ability to MAKE the choices – not the choices we make – that defines our commitment to each other. Witholding judgement and trusting that women can and do make the most of whichever situation they end up in is key.

And I say that with some of the “I’m going to screw it all up” thoughts you talk about being terrified of as well.

]]> By: Kristin /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2808 Kristin Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:15:18 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2808 I have a lot of the same ambivalent feelings. I'm home because my husband makes more than a high school teacher, and it felt right to us at the time. My ambivalence, however, comes from not enjoying the domestic sphere and not feeling like I'm the greatest mom - when I should be. I mean, I am home! Lucky for me, at least I don't have to get used to the feelings you mention when talking to classmates or former bosses. I was used to that while teaching public high school and talking to my Wharton graduate friends. I got the same glazed-eyed look sharing what I did and how my days looked in the classrom then that I get from some people now. Come to think of it, maybe it's just me after all! I have a lot of the same ambivalent feelings. I’m home because my husband makes more than a high school teacher, and it felt right to us at the time. My ambivalence, however, comes from not enjoying the domestic sphere and not feeling like I’m the greatest mom – when I should be. I mean, I am home!

Lucky for me, at least I don’t have to get used to the feelings you mention when talking to classmates or former bosses. I was used to that while teaching public high school and talking to my Wharton graduate friends. I got the same glazed-eyed look sharing what I did and how my days looked in the classrom then that I get from some people now. Come to think of it, maybe it’s just me after all!

]]> By: Cristie /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2805 Cristie Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:53:49 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2805 I love this. I totally understand. I feel embarrassed by the fact that I'm content with my life as mostly-SAHM. It does work but I feel somehow as if I've failed-myself and the entire female gender. But, now that they're growing and I'm embarking on a more full-time career with my own business, I'm terrified of handling it all. I am excited to have a career again, but I honestly can't see how I'm going to do it without failing on all fronts. Man, I'm a positive gal huh?!? I love this. I totally understand. I feel embarrassed by the fact that I’m content with my life as mostly-SAHM. It does work but I feel somehow as if I’ve failed-myself and the entire female gender.
But, now that they’re growing and I’m embarking on a more full-time career with my own business, I’m terrified of handling it all. I am excited to have a career again, but I honestly can’t see how I’m going to do it without failing on all fronts.
Man, I’m a positive gal huh?!?

]]> By: The Culture Mom /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2804 The Culture Mom Sat, 21 Jan 2012 19:01:40 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2804 Emily, you are so brave for writing this, for telling the world how hard your decision has been for you. When I made the decision to stay home when my daughter was very small, I felt 100% about it. I remember leaving my office for the last time, which I had finally earned after returning from maternity leave - my first office ever, feeling great. But that feeling didn't last long when I soon realized I'd be spending my days picking food off the floor, waiting for my daughter to wake up from naps and sitting in playgroup discussing how to fine tune the method of cutting a baby's nails. I soon missed the interaction and stimulation from my job and became so depressed. If blogging had existed for me back then, I think the transition would have been so much easier, but I became unable to focus on what I needed for a long time. Thankfully, the decisions are getting easier as my family needs me less, but the balance is so difficult. It sounds like you made the right decision for you at this time in your life, and you are lucky that you have your position at the University to keep you busy. I think that you are amazing and you are certainly not alone in your struggle. That's what this space is so good for, to sharing our feelings about motherhood and balance and self identity. Thank you so much for writing this. Emily, you are so brave for writing this, for telling the world how hard your decision has been for you. When I made the decision to stay home when my daughter was very small, I felt 100% about it. I remember leaving my office for the last time, which I had finally earned after returning from maternity leave – my first office ever, feeling great. But that feeling didn’t last long when I soon realized I’d be spending my days picking food off the floor, waiting for my daughter to wake up from naps and sitting in playgroup discussing how to fine tune the method of cutting a baby’s nails. I soon missed the interaction and stimulation from my job and became so depressed. If blogging had existed for me back then, I think the transition would have been so much easier, but I became unable to focus on what I needed for a long time. Thankfully, the decisions are getting easier as my family needs me less, but the balance is so difficult. It sounds like you made the right decision for you at this time in your life, and you are lucky that you have your position at the University to keep you busy. I think that you are amazing and you are certainly not alone in your struggle. That’s what this space is so good for, to sharing our feelings about motherhood and balance and self identity. Thank you so much for writing this.

]]> By: dusty earth mother /life-works-feelings-don%e2%80%99t-emily-paster/#comment-2803 dusty earth mother Sat, 21 Jan 2012 16:47:14 +0000 /?p=3278#comment-2803 Oh Emily. Thank you for being so honest. I love your use of the word "sacrifice" because that's really what it is. I'm not so sure that sacrifice ever feels good, but I'd really like to think that it brings up other feelings in us that are worthy and good. I wish for you the joy of making heartfelt and selfless decisions and that you can summon those when you feel sacrifice-crappy. I remember reading something on Her Bad Mother about our reluctance to say "I'm a mother", instead saying "I'm JUST a mother" and she lamented that we can't feel the pride of our extremely important and singular role. I struggle with this every day. You are so not alone. Thanks for writing this. xxoo Oh Emily. Thank you for being so honest. I love your use of the word “sacrifice” because that’s really what it is. I’m not so sure that sacrifice ever feels good, but I’d really like to think that it brings up other feelings in us that are worthy and good. I wish for you the joy of making heartfelt and selfless decisions and that you can summon those when you feel sacrifice-crappy. I remember reading something on Her Bad Mother about our reluctance to say “I’m a mother”, instead saying “I’m JUST a mother” and she lamented that we can’t feel the pride of our extremely important and singular role. I struggle with this every day. You are so not alone. Thanks for writing this. xxoo

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