While I was traveling, I posted on Facebook on occasion, and very often on Instagram.  I truly thought of my time in Asia as time to regroup and decided I would benefit from a break from real life and that included social media. I also didn’t carry my computer nor did I have Wifi access everywhere I went.

I have never been in such a visually stunning place in my life, so photography became my best friend and I filled my Instagram stream with dozens of images daily. I wasn’t showing off that I was there while everyone was back home working. taking care of kids or just experiencing the daily grind.  I wasn’t trying to say, LOOK AT ME.  I was letting everyone know that not only was I okay, but I was doing something good for myself.  Plus, I was in a part of the world that not every American visits AND THEY SHOULD.

Some people, like Jen Maidenberg, author of one of my favorite blogs, I Made Aliyah, really got it.  About my trip, she wrote:

I am struck by the pictures my friend Holly is sending back to us from Hong Kong and Vietnam.

She’s feeding her wanderlust with banana pancakes, dim sum, and gorgeous panoramas, while feeding our desire for travel photography “porn.”

I love instagram.

Almost in the same moment that the drool drips down my chin,  while mesmerized by the lush green mountain ranges and Buddha statues, I long for the eyes through which I saw Israel in the first months I lived here.

Jen and I have to meet one day.  There are some people that I’ve met via social media who are like my soul sisters.  She is one.  If you don’t know how pro-Israel I am and how much I am dying to move to Israel, well, now you know.  And I admire Jen for making the plunge and I love reading about her daily life. I devour every word and image that goes into her posts. (Jen, I will live there one day.  I may be walking with a cane, with my hair completely white, but you and I will take long walks together and talk until sunset.)

I was feeding my wanderlust.  But it was more than that. It was about reconnecting with myself on a very visceral level that needed to be experienced without children in tow.  While I was traveling throughout Asia, my backpack attached to my back, I was Holly Rosen again.  That adventurous traveler that existed before I had kids.  The girl that tried and tasted everything, and jumped to travel every chance I could.  I was that girl again.

My friend and I were so ecstatic about our travels.  Every day we would turn to each other and tell each other how surreal the experience was and we felt compelled to post photos every chance we had.  The comments on Facebook in response were hilarious.  Here are some verbatim:

“Holly your pics are gorgeous!!! What r u doing in Asia?”

“Beautiful photos. Why North Vietnam? How did you get your husband to agree? Mine would want to come along!”

“I’ve never met Brian, but he’s obviously an awesome husband!”

“You’ll have to tell me how you managed to get away!”

As I read each comment, I laughed.  And I sighed. And my friend and I agreed that every mom should get away and reconnect with their inner beings every once in a while. I know that some people thought that I was going through a mid-life crisis or that I had some great desire to get away on my own, but that could not be as far from the truth as possible. I just wanted an adventure.  I had been dying to go to Asia for the last nine years since I had kids and my husband and I agreed that our kids were not quite ready for the kind of traveling that I wanted to do.  I wanted to take night-time trains.  I wanted to sit and eat street food all day. I wanted to jump on boats and rush off for seafood on remote islands at night.  I wanted to hike, kayak and ride motorbikes.

And I did.  All that and more. My husband has been to Asia, and he wanted me to have the experience.  He was very happy and supportive of my traveling solo and stayed home and followed my adventures along with everyone else.

While I was away, my mom stayed with my family and I felt confident that everything was running smoothly.  The few times I did Skype or Facetime home, my son would say, “Mom, I can’t talk now. Grandma and I are watching a movie.” or my daughter would say “I’m busy, talk to Daddy.” They hardly noticed I was gone.

When I heard that my daughter and husband fell ill several days after my departure, I felt sorry for them but I didn’t feel bad.  Whether I was home or not, everyone would survive. And they did more than that – they coped without me. The only time I felt slightly guilty was when my daughter emailed me that her ear was bleeding.  She had pierced her ears a month before I left and one was infected. Her email read: Mom, please help me. You’re a girl!  But by the time I phoned to find out how she was, she was 100% fine and it had all been forgotten.

When I returned home, I guess a part of me was still in Vietnam.  I was tired.  I felt a wave of exhaustion like none other I had ever experienced. It lasted a week.  I would fall asleep at odd times and wake up at even odder times.  I wasn’t quite ready to make meals for everyone and clean the house so I kind of let things go, which is very unlike me.

But now after a week of being back, I am getting up and making things happen. I have a new perspective on life.  After what I have seen – there was beauty but also extreme poverty – I feel changed.  I can not get the scenery out of mind.  The food is stuck in my brain.  But the people left a long-lasting impact on me.  Not only the people we met who were traveling but also the people who live in Vietnam.  The ethnic minorities left a long-lasting impression on me and I will not sit idle in America without helping them in some way.

I have also noticed a big difference in my parenting the last few days.  I am more attentive.  I am putting my work aside when I’m with the kids.  I am shutting down the computer.  I am focusing my energies far more than I used to on them.  My break in Asia did far more than I could have ever asked for and reconnecting with the side of me that pays more attention to the little people in my life was something I needed.  My son came home from school yesterday, ecstatic over a magic trick that he learned in his after-school club and he proceeded to spend the next four hours doing the trick over and over again for just me.  And I let him.  And I enjoyed it.

Three amazing women we met in Halong Bay called our trip “pediatrician prescribed”. They were doctors, of course.  And it was.  I recommend a break for all moms in the world.  Whether it be for one day, two days or two weeks if you can afford it or have childcare (believe me, scraping the childcare together was HARD – we have no family support where we live but my mom was able to come, which was a blessing). I’m not saying it’s easy to leave your kids, and maybe you think it’s wrong to do anything without them, but for me, it was valuable to the way I parent, the way I live and the way I will make decisions moving forward.

Have you ever traveled without the kids and husband? How were you perceived and would you do it again?

Sound like the next movie on your list?

To win a $50 American Express Gift cards for a night at the movies, tell me your favorite Bill Murray film in the comments below.

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This giveaway will end on Friday, February 11th at noon EST. Winner will be posted here and on the Culture Mom Facebook page and will have 24 hours to accept their prize.

Disclosure: Prizing provided by Focus Features

I don’t know about you but I’m drowning in information.  Lists, lists and more lists.  Classroom lists, sports team lists, business contact lists, book club lists and more!  Every time I come home from a meeting or conference, I bring home lists, emails and important information to manage.  I’ve been conducting a tireless search for a solution to put an end to all this paper for the past few years, and I may have lucked into a tool that will help me.  It’s called Ringya, a new FREE mobile app that easily transforms paper contact lists into smart mobile lists by sharing a photo.  Ringya puts entire contact lists at your fingertips so you can easily call, text or email individuals or groups of contacts that you wouldn’t have added one-at-a-time to your address book. It can save you time and stress from scrambling to find a contact list within email archives because your work, class, or team contacts are right at your fingertips. You can also share electronic lists by uploading digital contact lists to rings@ringya.com, or get contact lists instantly onto your phone by simply accepting an invitation to a list (“Ring”) created by someone else.  And the beauty of all this?  It’s really, really easy to manipulate – take that from someone who’s not as tech savvy as I’d like to believe I am.  I truly believe that Ringya is about to whip my disorganized existence into shape!

When Holly first emailed me and asked if I wanted to participate in this series, my first thought was that I was woefully unqualified to discuss being a woman who does it all. I almost always feel like I need to be – should be capable of – doing more. But I suppose that’s the big secret, isn’t it? Even the most productive among us imagines that there is even more we could be doing.

While I might not be doing everything, I am consistently doing enough.

More than that, I am doing the things that mean the most to me. That, I think, is the key to a life that feels happy and successful to the one to whom it belongs.

My sister-in-law, a 25-year old mother of three who is pregnant with her fourth and working a fulltime job in healthcare, recently asked her Facebook friends how she could do it all. She expressed a frustration that I find so common among women: a lack of balance and a fear that important people and obligations in her life are getting short -changed.

My suggestion was to lower her standards and stick with the basics.

She didn’t respond, but I imagine she hated that advice. I know I would have hated that advice when I was at a similar place in my own life. Being told to lower my standards would have been tantamount to being told to give up, to settle for less than what I and my family deserved, to admit that I wasn’t as capable of doing it all as those other women I saw who were handling so much so smoothly.

Giving up was probably the best thing I ever did for myself and my family.

I gave up trying to be super mom and focused on being a good mom. I decided that my kids didn’t care near as much about home-baked school treats and well-organized craft time as they did love, time, and attention. They’re wants and needs are pretty minimal and amount, in a nutshell, to a mother who is kind more often than stressed and affectionate more often than perfect.

So, too, did I give up on the dream of being the ideal wife. I have chosen, instead, to focus on loving my husband in the small ways he prefers and to trust that he will take care of keeping himself happy. His happiness is his responsibility; effectively loving him is mine. My husbands standards for love are even lower than my children’s; the challenge is that we speak different “love languages” and so I have to constantly remind myself to love him in his own language of touch and time, instead of the one I prefer of words and service.

In my mind, I’ve chosen to add on very little to the priority list after my family and friends. I have my work, which is also my passion; my health, which is a necessity more than a pleasure; and my obsession with personal happiness, which is really at the core of every other priority.

That’s really not much. It’s not all that I do -  occasionally I find myself with extra time for incidental items – but it’s all that I need to focus on in order to feel like I’m doing enough.

CHANUKAH FEVER! WITH MAMA DONI & THE MAMA DONI BAND

WHERE:          JCC Rockland, 450 West Nyack Rd., West Nyack, NY 10994
WHEN:             Sunday, December 11, 4:00 p.m.
TICKETS:         In advance: $8 members, $12 non-members; at the door: $10 members, $15.00 non-members.
INFO:                845-362-4400.  http://www.jccyofrockland.org/

WHERE:           Mandell JCC, 335 Bloomfield Avenue, West Hartford, CT 06117
WHEN:             Saturday, December 17, 6:30 p.m.
TICKETS:         In advance:  $10 members, $12 non-members; at the door: $12 members, $15 non-members.
INFO:                860-231-6316 .  http://www.mandelljcc.org/

WHERE:           Kaplan Cooperative Preschool at United Synagogue of Hoboken, 115 Park Ave., Hoboken, NJ  07030
WHEN:             Sunday, December 18, 10:30 a.m.
TICKETS:         Synagogue members $10.  Non-members $18. Kaplan preschool students, free.
INFO:                201-222-9696.  http://www.hobokensynagogue.org/

WHERE:           92nd Street Y, Bronfman Center for Jewish Life, Buttenwieser Hall,1395 Lexington Ave., New York, NY 10128
WHEN:             Sunday, December 18, 3:00 p.m.
TICKETS:         $15
INFO:                212-415-5500.  http://www.92y.org

The band celebrates Jewish culture with irrepressible zest in its interactive family rock concerts filled with catchy pop songs that break the mold of traditional Jewish music. Quirky, offbeat, and unpredictable, The Mama Doni Band offers up a contagious and unexpected blend of reggae, rock, disco, Latin, klezmer and “Jewgrass” – all woven together with a hip Jewish sensibility.

Mama Doni promises plenty of surprises throughout this year’s Chanukah concerts, including giveaways of chocolate gelt, Mama Doni CDs, posters and free downloads of Mama Doni songs to everyone in attendance.  Kids will boogie like a dreidel, air guitar with the band (“Latke Man” style), join in an applesauce vs. sour cream rock-along, and chime in on the eternal question of “Chanukah” or “Hanukah.”  Rocking out for Chanukah, Mama Doni & The Mama Doni Band will perform such latkelicious songs as “The Funky Gold Menorah,” “La Vida Dreidel,” and “I Say Chanukah (You Say Hanukkah!).” The band will go all out with a wild bluegrass version of  “Honey, This Ain’t Money” (about Hanukkah gelt), and, as a special treat, several new songs will be showcased, including the soon-to-be-famous “The Land of Sufganiyot” (a reggae song about jelly doughnuts).  Hip young kids and their even hipper parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles should come prepared to get up and dance at these spirited Jewish rock concerts.

Now on The Culture Mom, you can win A FAMILY PACK OF FOUR TICKETS to the 92nd Street Y show on December 18th.  The tickets are valued at $15 each, so that’s $60 for the package.  In addition, everyone who attends the concert will get a free copy of her CD Shabbat Shalom.

To enter, leave a comment below with your contact information (email or twitter handle). Open to U.S. only, enter by Wednesday, November 23rd at 11:59 PM EST.  Winners will have 24 hours to claim their prize, or I will have to offer it to the runner-up.

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So, you can only imagine my delight when we walked into a mini showroom, with thousands of dolls from their various collections lining the walls.  I do need to stop and tell here that as much as I adored dolls as a child, my daughter now?  Not so much.  For her, they are ornaments.  They sit on her bed.  They gather dust.  I urge her to use her imagination, I encourage doll parties like I used to have on my own as a child. I’d sit in my room alone with my dolls and treat them like human beings. We had tea parties, we talked about school.  My daughters? That’s not her thing, and you can only do so much convincing.  She’s not that way inclined and I can’t say that buying two American Girl Dolls are getting a lot of attention in her room.

But she came quite willingly to this event and became engrossed as soon as we walked in.  Britt Menzies, the author and another mom, stood behind a table full of dolls and explained the history behind the brand. It all started when her own daughter asked to be painted as a ballerina six years ago.  She conceptualized a multi-faceted brand that originated with the book, StinkyKids and the Runaway Scissors which featured 10 characters. The goal of the book was to teach children to learn from our choices and to remind them to be a “leader of good”.  Eventually they led to an adorable line of dolls, an app and even an off-Broadway show coming to NYC in Spring 2012.  There is a second book, StinkyKids See a Full Moon, that you can also order now.

The dolls are adorable.  You can order them at Target or from Madame Alexander.  These 12 inch soft dolls each have removable clothing, embroidered faces, and personalized tooshies, as well as their own interesting story.  You find out their hobbies, what they want to be when they grow up, special talents, favorite foods and more including what makes them a leader.  Your child, 10 and under, can discover their unique personalities, talents, and hobbies through their trading cards and bookmarks (included).

But what I really like about this brand is that a a portion of the proceeds from StinkyKids is donated directly to Books, Bears and Bonnets, a non-profit organization founded by Britt’s mother Merrily Ansell in memory of Britt’s aunt who died of uterine cancer. Books, Bears, and Bonnets provides whimsical gift boxes to courageous children and adults fighting cancer and other serious illnesses. Britt also organized the 1st Annual ‘Kids Cuts for Cancer’, speaks regularly at school career days, and continues to be the “best wife and mom I can be.” And as she reminds us, “Love Your StinkyKids!!!!…they’re so stinkin’ cute!!!!

Not that anyone needs to remind me of that, but I will tell you one thing.  My daughter was so enamored with these dolls that she came home, got down on the floor and played StinkyKids dolls with her brother.

Head over to their Facebook page to find out what they’re all about and check out the You Tube video I took of Britt herself talking more about the brand.  She told me she started everything six years ago.  I’m so impressed.

Disclosure: I was provided with dolls to facilitate this review, and a copy of the authors’s first book.

You may not know this about me, but I am a big feminist.  The funny thing is that I’ve been married 10 years, and my husband just found that out about me! Yes, sad but true.  As even steven are things are in my house…some of the time…sometimes we agree to disagree and vice versa.  When it comes to domestics, parenting, food, discipline, education, work, sleep, dealing with emergencies and more, we can certainly disagree.  I rarely talk about it on this blog or anywhere online.  My husband is very private and has forbid me to, basically.

But this Friday night, I am going to be vocal.  I’m joining Momentum for a BIG Twitter Party called “Rule the House” at 9pm EST.  Dads (and moms)  will come weigh in on the debate with topics about who performs what duties better, who can take charge the quickest, and which side really “rules the house”. It would turn into a serious debate, or there might be a lot of bickering and screaming.

Follow the #RuleTheHouse hashtag and either #MomRules or #DadRules, depending on which one you may be, and follow @hollypavlika, as well as all the party hosts for the Rule the House party!

The great group of moms includes:

Kelly Loubet, @Childhood
Holly Rosen Fink, @theculturemom (me, of course)
Kelli Catana, @kellidaisy
Tracie Wagman, @Helpwevegotkids
Mara Shapiro, @ChickyMara
Michelle Kay, @thedomesticexec

And the daring dads are:

Collins Batchelor, @CollinsBat
Yours Truly, @TheDaddyYoDude
Jeff Bogle, @OWTK
Tshaka Armstong, @Tshaka_zulu
Vincent Daly, @CuteMonsterDad
Joe B, @ManvDadhood

Please join us on Twitter this Friday at 9pm EST for the “Rule the House” brought to you by Momentum. There will be prizes given out throughout the party.   Check out the “Rule the House” Facebook page for more information and the legal terms and conditions.

Disclosure: I am not being compensated to co-host this party and all opinions expressed are my own.

There is a scene in Bridesmaids that is undeniably hilarious:

The setting is an engagement party where Annie, the maid of honor for her longtime friend Lillian, has been asked to make a speech. Annie (played by Kristen Wiig, who co-wrote the script) takes to the stage, glass of champagne in hand, and makes a short toast. But then another bridesmaid grabs the microphone and delivers a moving monologue filled with funny anecdotes and Thai proverbs. The evening rapidly goes down the tube, with each woman famously trying to outdo the other in sentiment and prove they are the better friend.

That is just one of the scenes that had a few friends and I nearly in tears tonight as we gathered to watch the film Bridesmaids which has just been released on Blu Ray/DVD. How could you not crack up at that scene?  Who hasn’t been in that situation or something similar?!

Bridesmaids was one of those movies that I made every attempt to see when it was in the theaters, so when I was sent the film and a box of goods to screen it with friends I was excited.  Sparkling rose wine from Yellow Tail, streamers, confetti, paper party goods, movie tee shirts and suggestions on what to serve were all provided to make it the ultimate Girl’s Night Out. Little did I know that it would take weeks to have the actual party – kids were sick, Jewish holidays – everything seemed to happen to prevent having the party. But you know what?  It was worth the wait.   The movie is that good.  So good that we all sat after the film had ended and watched the deleted scenes, gag reels, bloopers included on the Blue Ray/DVD after the film.  No one rushed home.

Hands down, Bridesmaids  is one of the best films I’ve seen in a long time. Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Melissa McCarthy clearly steal the show in this brilliantly written script.  Rose Bryne is surprisingly good, too, as I’ve never particularly thought of her as a comedienne.   This film is all women – written by, co-produced by, and starring predominantly all women (men are in supporting roles). I’m not saying that this is a clean, heart felt movie. There is plenty of profanity.  But at the end of the day, the movie is about friendship, and that’s a topic that women know all too well.  Watching the film with two good friends for the first time was a great way to welcome the film into our lives.  In the middle of the film, one of my friends actually belted out in excitement, “I have never seen anything like this!”  Problem is we laughed so hard, I have to watch it again to see what I missed. You could call that a good thing.

Just to give you a glimpse of how clever the script is, get a load of some of the one-liners.  I leave you with these:

Annie: You’re a little cunt!

Nervous Woman on Plane: I had a dream last night that we went down. You were in it.

Megan: I’m glad he’s single because I’m going to climb that like a tree.

Annie’s Roommate: I read your diary. At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

[Megan taking a dump in the sink]: It’s coming out like lava!

[After having sex] Guy to Annie: This is really awkward. I really want you to leave but I don’t know how to tell you

Connect:

Connect with Bridesmaids on their Facebook page.

Get the film:
You can buy Bridesmaids on DVD for $15.99 and/or Bridesmaids (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Digital Copy in Blu-ray Packaging) for $21.99 at Amazon.com

Disclosure: I received samples for the purpose of reviewing, opinions expressed are my own.

If you read this blog regularly, you know I love theater.  When I lived in NYC, I literally went to see shows a few days a week. Theater is in my blood and my soul, only I have never worked in it.

That’s why I am part of the team behind a new company called MamaDrama NY.  We are bringing the best of theater and the moms blogosphere together.   It’s a collection of the best Mom-focused websites in the blogosphere giving you the real deal on the best shows for discriminating, theatre-loving parents, like me and like you.  And don’t let the name fool you: it’s not just about plays for moms and dads, it’s about all theater – from Broadway to off-Broadway and more.

We’re kicking off everything with MOTHERHOOD OUT LOUD presented by Primary Stages.

When entrusting the subject of motherhood to such a dazzling collection of celebrated American writers, what results is a joyous, moving, hilarious, and altogether thrilling theatrical play. Utterly unpredictable, MOTHERHOOD OUT LOUD shatters traditional notions about parenthood, unveils its inherent comedy and celebrates the deeply personal truths that span and unite generations.

Tonight I’m hosting a Twitter Party at 9 PM EST at hashtag #MotherhoodOL.   Head over to Twitter (we’re at @mamadramaNY), Tweetgrid, Tweetchat or Tweetdeck to join in the fun.  Some of the show’s producers will be at the party, as will many of the bloggers who saw the show yesterday at a special performance.  We’ll be giving away tickets to the show and other great prizes.  We’ll be chatting about a few of the topics covered in the show – pregnancy, our moms, how it’s possible to feel like an imposter at the park, gender identity issues, the SEX TALK and becoming an empty nester.  These are only a few of the many issues covered in this terrific 90-minute play.

I’m not allowed to give the play a proper review as it’s in previews, but I do want you to know that I loved it.  As soon as I heard a character it the delivery room say “Billions of women have done this!” and go on to relive the pain, epidurals and contractions, I knew I was in the right place.  There was so much I could relate to: sleep deprivation, my dislike of park time, getting excited when my kids finally both started full time education this year and more.  The writers they chose to write about each topic are spot on, and they do include the fabulous Beth Henley.

“Motherhood Out Loud” has a new “Share Your AHA Moment!” feature on their blog.  Did you have an AHA moment as a parent?  Something you might have thought to yourself but didn’t vocalize?  A piece of wisdom.  A challenge.  A revelation about parenting.  A gripe.  A heated reaction to a situation.  A scenario that made you want to scream or hold your tongue.   Anything you’d care to share/get off your chest?   MOTHERHOOD OUT LOUD is featuring them on their site.  Something short and candid….a pithy statement or two…..or a video.  Now’s your chance to tell it like it is and hear what other moms are proclaiming Out Loud.

If you aren’t following “Motherhood Out Loud” on Facebook and Twitter, now you can.

If you’re looking to see the show, as it’s only in the theater until October here’s a code that will get you $5 off the ticket price BWWMOM.  Just go here to purchase tickets.

Moms4Moms is a movement started by Holly Pavlika, who founded Mom-entum, a blog about marketing to Moms using social media and is also executive vice president and managing director of Big Fuel, New York. Its goal is to “really make Mother’s Day about moms” by promoting the allocation of at least some of the money spent on gifts to mothers in need.  I, for one, think this movement is sensational and I think it’s important to get involved today.  As a mom, as a woman, as someone who cares.

Today on April 27^th Moms4Moms is asking for donations.  Please visit their Facebook page to make small a cash donations and donate used cell phones.  Please read below for more information.

According to Moms4Moms, Americans will spend approximately $14.6 this year on gifts for Mother’s Day, according to the National Retail Federation.  Despite this celebration of motherhood, hundreds of thousands of women worldwide during pregnancy and childbirth. The U.S. ranks 50th in terms of maternal health care, meaning that 49% other countries provide better health care.

Did you know?

• One maternal death every 90 seconds.
• 15% of all pregnancies result in complications during labor and delivery and sometimes are fatal.
• Pregnancy is the biggest killer of girls ages 15-19.
• For every woman who dies in childbirth, 20 more suffer from debilitating complications.
• We have the knowledge to prevent 90% of all maternal deaths.

Moms4Moms asks: what if 1% of that $14.6 billion could be given to this cause?

Leveraging the power of social media, Moms4Moms plans to raise awareness and funds for the organization Every Mother Counts. Their new Facebook page “Moms4MomsDay” focuses on two initiatives: micro-donating, which encourages everyone to give as little as $5, and old cell-phone donation through the group Hope Phones, which refurbishes old phones and donates the proceeds.

Holly partnered with the following twelve influential moms and bloggers, many of whom are my friends,  to create Moms 4 Moms Day: Erica Diamond womenonthefence.com, Audrey McClelland momgenerations.com, Molly Gold gomominc.com, Beth Feldman rolemommy.com, Niri Jaganath mommyniri.com, Katja Presnal skimbacolifestyle.com, Kelly Loubet everydaychildhood.com, Julie Cole mabelslabels.com, Linda Grant nycsinglemom.com, Katrina Carefoot ficklefeline.ca, Dagmar Bleasdale Dagmar’s momsense and Sherry Aikens babypop.com

These moms are also reaching out to their large social media following to enlist other women to post about Moms4Moms to raise awareness and ask for donations today, as well.

Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post.  I truly believe in this cause.