This is my latest post on the web site The Broad Side, the newest, coolest, must-read magazine that features the best women’s commentary from around the web and real women writing about their real opinion commentary and real political views.

Things haven’t been looking good for women in the television industry for a long time.

When I got married, my husband and I talked about changing my last name, but I resisted at first.  I felt that professionally it would be akin to death.  In addition, when someone from across the room called me with my new name, I wouldn’t answer.  It didn’t feel like me. I wasn’t who I was, who I’d been for the 31 years prior to getting married.  It felt alienating.

But I could tell it meant a lot to him, so it didn’t settle well, and I wanted to find a happy medium.

When we’d travel, I ‘d have to take my marriage license.  Quite often, my husband would unintentionally book me using his name but all my documents remained in my maiden name.  It was hugely confusing, and I think that one flight to the UK actually caused problems for me and I was nearly not allowed to board the plane.  Today there is no way they’d let me board the plane with any name confusion.

I kept my driver’s license and passport under my maiden name, as well as my email address. Why should I have to be the one to change everything? It just didn’t sit right with me.

So I waited until we had kids to deal with it.  Then I thought to myself, this might get complicated if I had one name and everyone in my immediate family all had another, so I gave in and changed my name, purposely leaving my maiden name in the middle to ease the name flow. I wanted to keep my maiden name in the mix. Professionally, it would be easier for colleagues to keep up with me, as well. Personally,  it was the only identity I’d known.

But sometimes having two surnames gets confusing….particularly because I left my email in my maiden name.  Whenever I book tickets or RSVP using my email, I get booked under in my maiden name and I never know what name to give.

I’d like to think that in 2013 women have come a LONG way.  So much has changed since Betty Frieidan started speaking out for women 40 years ago. Marriage is more about equality than ever before and relationships are 50/50.  A woman should be able to keep her name, or take her new one as she pleases.  It all goes back to personal choice, along with everything else in life.  Women have a choice about everything today, and what we want to call falls right in line with all our decision making.

I embraced feminism in my own way.

So, if you are wondering what to call me, it’s Holly Rosen Fink. Holly Rosen works, too.  So does Holly Fink.

What did you do?  Did you take your spouse’s name or keep your maiden name?

Source: TheNation.com

This week I read a brilliant article by Deborah Copaken Kogan, a well-known writer and feminist.  I was attracted to the title of the article about her so-called post feminist life “Life in Arts and Letters”.  It immediately brought to mind the TV show with almost the same name that I relished in the 1990s and I was curious what Kogan had to say about her life as a feminist.

And her piece hit me like a bomb.  As I am sure it hit the whole of the Internet. I read how it hit the writers at Women & Hollywood and Jezebel hard – 17,000 shares on Jezebel alone).  Here is a brilliant, accomplished female who has so many accomplishments as a war photographer, a TV producer and author. From the outsider looking in, she is a courageous, out-spoken woman who for the last 25 years has been living her life on her own terms.

But in reality she’s a lot like you and me.  She’s someone who has faced chauvinism and sexism more times that she’d like to admit during her career. She’s kept quiet out of fear of not getting smeared in the literary world and beyond, but recent events, one in particular, has compelled her to speak out.  She has always worried that speaking out would limit her work from being published if she spoke out and that would lead to professional suicide.

And her answer to it all: “Because life’s like that.”

But after reading Yvonne Brill’s NYT obituary, the incident that propelled her into action, a few months ago, she has been prompted to finally speak out.  Brill was a rocket scientist known for far more than her beef stroganoff but her obituary kicked off with these words:

She was a brilliant rocket scientist who followed her husband from job to job and took eight years off from work to raise three children. “The world’s best mom,” her son Matthew said.

Yvonne Brill, who died on Wednesday at 88 in Princeton, N.J., in the early 1970s invented a propulsion system to help keep communications satellites from slipping out of their orbits.

Here we have a successful woman who created a propulsion system being remembered as the world’s best mom.  And we’re all sure she was. But she was so much more than that.

This propelled Kogan into action.

After years of being labeled a soccer mom in her own book reviews and being over-looked for countless literary awards that go traditionally to men, she has clearly had enough.  She now wants to know what a woman has to do to get herself known in a man’s world. So she breaks down her post feminist life in arts and letters and it makes for one fascinating life, that is for sure.

1988: She was raped in college and told to keep quiet.  Now the rapist’s wife sits on “Lean In” panels next to Sherl Sandberg (she recently Googled him out of curiosity and found out and notes its irony. She writes: “Twenty-five years later, while watching CNN lament the effects of the Steubenville rape on two promising lives—the rapists’, not the victim’s—I’ll hold two competing thoughts: nothing has changed; I wish I’d been braver.”

1989:  She is a war photographer at age 23 and her work is professionally exhibited alongside male heavyweights who are given solo exhibits.  The exhibit is called “Les Deux Femmes Sur le Front,” which translates as “The Two Women on the Front Lines.”

1999: Random House changes the name of her first book from Newshore to Shutterbabe.  She is told she has no say in the matter: “I beg for Shuttergirl instead, to reclaim at least “girl,” as Lena Dunham would so expertly do years later. Or what about Develop Stop Fix? Anything besides a title with the word ‘babe’ in it.”  Salon picks up the story and publishes both my full name and their own take, in which the critic’s amusing if false hearsay is printed as fact, without ever having called to ask me for a rebuttal. The name of the essay? “When Authors Attack.” (“They’ll smear you,” I think to myself.)”

2006: She calls her new novel Suicide Wood about a mother who kills herself and her children. The original title is a spin on Dante’s Inferno but she is told that women will be turned off by Dante.  The name is changed to Between Here and April, despite her protests.

2009: Her third book, Hell Is Other Parents, a collection of personal essays, is published with a pink cover and placed in the parenting section. On that experience, she writes: “Prior to publication, I try changing the color to robin’s egg blue, the classification to memoir, and the title to Screwing in the Marital Bed, the title of one of the essays, which I think better encapsulates the thrust of the book. I am told, for the third time, that I have no say in the matter.”

2012: Her latest book, The Red Book, gets passed over for a review in the NYT Book Review despite the fact that it’s a future nominee for the prestigious yet controversial Women’s Prize for Fiction.  For that reason alone, bookstores won’t stock it.

Did you know that most female authors do not get reviewed in the NYT? I was surprised to learn this fact. Who can blame Kogen for feeling held down after years of name-calling, having decisions about her work made against her will and overwhelming sexism?  She writes: “This is what sexism does best: it makes you feel crazy for desiring parity and hopeless about ever achieving it.”

It lowers self-esteem, makes women feel like the opportunities are just not there. Last week while rushing to get coffee after in Kiddush at shul, a woman stopped me and asked me how graduate school was going.  I had gone back to school several years ago but put a stop to my studies when I realized that taking five classes while taking care two young children was near impossible and chose to focus on my career for the time being. She told me that she tried not to think about all her degrees that are gathering dust as we speak.  Every summer she works in a Jewish camp in Rockland County, which she loves, but every now and then the women look at each other in shock and ask each other exactly where their lives have gone after leaving so many educational and professional accomplishments in the dust.

Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In movement insists that in order for women to succeed, men need to lean in and share 50% of the work.  Why didn’t these women’s husbands or partners lean in more and make it more possible for them to continue their careers?  Why is it that women have the tough decision to make, most typically, to stay home or return to work. Can we truly have it all?

Kogen’s story is a sad reality of where the feminism  movement stands over 40 years after its origins.  Here’s hoping for major changes to take place before my own 10 year-old enters the real world.

Meanwhile, I’ll be stopping in my local book store to ask for Kogan’s new book.  Every store should have it in stock.

I feel lucky.  I’ve spent the last two electric days mesmerized by the likes of the most incredible women in the world at Daily Beast’s Women in the World conference in NYC at Lincoln Center.  I listened to the Honorable Hillary Clinton motivate the audience to get out there and fight for women’s rights on a grassroots level, Meryl Streep salute her idol Irish feminist Inez McCormack, Angelina Jolie salute Malala who loved wearing a pink dress and said “All I want is an education and I am afraid of no one” and got shot by the Taliban in the head, Tom Hanks salute the beloved writer Nora Ephron and heard from so many amazing women from around the world talk about one thing: WOMEN. From the rape situation in India to the lack of STEM education for girls around the world, the summit covered everything and left no stones unturned.  There was bad news (about the rise of sex trafficking and how bad things are for women in countries like Egpyt, Syria, India, Africa and Libya), there was good news (like listening to the story of the founder of Spanx’s career and hearing stories about young Mothers of Invention).  It was motivating, inspiring, mouth dropping. I came home feeling complete, like I have a mission.

The Women in the World Summit is centered on vivid journalistic storytelling, featuring inspiring women and men from diverse cultures and backgrounds. From CEOs and world leaders to artists, activists and firebrand dissidents, Women in the World tells the stories of the courageous and intelligent women who are battling the status quo in their countries, picking up the pieces in the aftermath of war and shattering glass ceilings in every sector.  Hosted by Tina Brown, editor-in-chief of Newsweek & The Daily Beast, the Women in the World Summit brings together leaders and activists from around the globe every year to address the most urgent challenges facing women and girls. Summit participants also included Dr. Hawa Abdi, Christiane Amanpour, Humaira Bachal, Chelsea Clinton, Diane von Furstenberg and Oprah Winfrey.

I will write more about the summit in the days to come as I heard countless stories that need to be retold.  Right now I want to write about one story in particular.

I was invited by one of the sponsors, Liberty Mutual, as part of their Responsibility Project (www.TheResponsibilityProject.com), created in 2008, a program which uses entertaining content to create a forum for people to discuss personal acts of responsibility. Through short films and online content, The Responsibility Project is a catalyst for examining the decisions that confront people trying to “do the right thing.”

This year their they hosted a session on International and Special Needs Adoption.  The panel featured a conversation with 18-year-old Michaela DePrince, a soloist with the Dance Theatre of Harlem. Born amidst the chaos of civil war in Sierra Leone, Michaela was orphaned at four years old and ostracized by the community because of her vitiligo, a condition that causes depigmentation of the skin. Joined by her adoptive-mother, Elaine DePrince, who after losing three children to hemophilia, was inspired by one of her five sons to help children in war-torn areas of Africa. Elaine and her husband, Charles, went on to adopt six girls from the continent, including Michaela and her “sister”.  They were not related, but were adopted from the same orphanage where she was mistreated for her skin condition. “They called me ‘the devil’s child.’ I would always get the last serving of food, the last choice of toys and clothes,” she said. Watch this video of Michaela speaking about her life here.

On their first night together, Elaine found Michaela going through her luggage and wondered what she was looking for.  Ballet shoes, of course. “She thought all American women danced on their toes,” her mother said.

There was a genuine love between the two and Elaine emphasized the gift of being able to adopt.  She said, “I don’t love my adopted children any less than my adopted children.”  She said that the 3 ingredients of making a good adoptive parent are: Love, realism and encouragement. I’ll apply these three to my own parenting style.

We were blessed with a dance performance by Michaela. It was like watching an angel, particularly after hearing about what she’d been through.

Rounding out the panel discussion was Dr. Jane Aronson, founder and CEO of Worldwide Orphans, a nonprofit organization that provides direct services to orphaned children globally. Worldwide Orphans has reached more than 35,000 orphans, vulnerable children and those who care for them through health and education programs.  She kicked off the session telling us that there are 153 million orphans around the globe and that each year millions of girls don’t have a home.  As my heart break, she launched into a short monologue about the problem:

Children lie languishing in their cribs. Never held.  Spoken to as they are fed.  No ability how to self-regulate.  As they reach for crib bars, they are in prison.  In dark rocking back and forth.  So they are alive.

And we must help. the first step involves taking a census of kids who are on the street, involved in trafficking and living in refugee camps.Dr. Aronson said the best way to help advocate for adoptees is to volunteer or donate to help kids who are in agencies or institutions.

Disclosure: I was a guest of Liberty Mutual at the Summit but all opinions are my own.

I have to admit that I’ve been mystified by all the criticism of Sheryl Sandberg new “Lean In” movement. Here we have a female who’s making every attempt to help women rise up and succeed and there is a large group of women (and men) criticizing her for what she’s trying to do.  And why is that? She wants every little girl who people perceive as bossy to know they have leadership skills and potential. I certainly want my daughter to grow up feeling that way.

I’ve been sitting on the sidelines watching the debate unfold online about her because she is not “like all the rest”, all uncannily happening at the same time as the debate around Marissa Mayer’s manifesto that none of her employees can no longer work at home. Some protected Sandberg: When’s the last time someone picked up a Jack Welch (or Warren Buffett, or even Donald Trump) bestseller and complained that it was unsympathetic to working class men who had to work multiple jobs to support their families? (The Verge).  Some did not: Maureen Dowd, writing in the Times,  called her a Powerpoint Pied Piper in Prada ankle books. Last week’s headline on the cover of TIME Magazine read: Don’t Hate Her Because She’s Successful (we all know what that line is spoofing and it really wasn’t funny and I’m quite sure Sandberg didn’t appreciate it either.

But for me, seeing her on 60 Minutes (the clip above) was an eye-opener, and was like a READ THIS BOOK moment.

The first thing she says in the piece is that men run the world and that the women’s revolution is stalled. We can’t disagree with that. We must acknowledge it to change it.  When the reporter asks if she is trying to reignite the revolution and keeps women’s progress from being stagnant and Sandberg replies: “I think so.”

It’s not that I think Sandberg felt she had to write this book because she is the only woman succeeding right now (though I wish the reporter hadn’t told her point blank that she is one of the “most powerful women in the world”), I think she is compelled because the reality she is describing is true.  The women’s movement has made great strides over the last 40 years but we have not reached the finish line.  Not yet.

Isn’t it time that someone jump-started the feminism movement?  It has been stalled.  Even Gloria Steinem agrees.

In the interview, Sandberg goes on to say that women hold themselves back.  They play it too safe at work, worry too much about being liked and turn down opportunities in s of having children one day. In the interview she says “They lean back. I want to have a child one day or I’m still learning on my current job.” Sounds like she doesn’t think women are ambitious but she does, however she says that men try harder.  I can’t fault her a statement she has found proven statistics for.  But there is more we do for ourselves to sit in board rooms and take risks.

And then she sits forward and tells the audience she knows is watching very earnestly, “Don’t lean back, lean in!” She’s not blaming women, she understands that there are issues out of our control.  She thinks women should aim high, take challenges and seek risks.

Who can disagree with her?  As a female, I agree that there are issues of out of my control that set me back.  I’ve been dealing with them since I started working in the 1990s.  I’ve made plenty of decisions because I was scared or had too many options, worked with competitive women who held me back and made decisions based around having a family and trying to do the best for everyone.  Things out of my control?  Yes, you could say that.

Sandberg knew there would be a backlash, but sometimes I wish women could just stop picking on each other and see the value of what others are trying to do for them. She has solutions. and she outlines them in her book which I plan to read.

I left my fulltime job when I had my first child out of frustration that I would never see her.  I was told I could no longer have flexible hours and my child was still less than a year old and I was breastfeeding. Perhaps I should have stuck it out and kept a job that I loved and pushed for more family-friendly practices, but it felt kind of hopeless.

Had I worked for Marissa Mayer, I know that she wouldn’t have helped me.  She went back to work when her child was two weeks old. She has recently removed all off site work arrangements, making those who want to play the life/balance card trickier than ever.  And unfortunately, more companies are falling in her footsteps.

But had I worked for Sandberg, I have a feeling it would have worked itself out and I would have been inspired to carry on and have the best of both worlds.  That’s what I hope that Sandberg will do for all young, and old (like me), women in the workforce.  I’ve been lucky ever since I made that decision to work for some very family-friendly companies, and I hope that all the other companies all take a lesson from her.

Tonight I experienced a new, unique production by Eve Ensler at the Signature Theater called Emotional Creature.  I went in knowing very little other than the fact than it was about teen-age girls. Since I have a tween at home, I thought the context would be relevant to my own life and would expose me too much of what is yet to come. And it is Eve Ensler, how could I ever go wrong?

When I saw Ensler’s Vagina Monologues many years ago, I remember being riveted.  The script was raw, real, compelling and familiar.  For two hours, I heard about what it’s really like to be a woman today and I related and commiserated with every word.

And it happened again.  Only this time, I related to the future I feel my daughter is about to experience.  The subtitle of Emotional Creature, Eve Ensler’s girl-power monologues-plus-songs and dancing collage, is The Secret Life of Girls Around the World.  The show deals with a number of global themes that are felt by six girls: body image, popularity, being pretty, sex, homosexuality, anorexia, sex slavery, rape, pregnancy, female circumcision.  Each girl is growing up and dealing with universal feelings, but depending on where they live (Bulgaria, Congo, Beirut) they have different ways of coping.  If they are not experiencing, they are feeling.

The first half of the play is about some of the issues that Americans face. They’re constantly on their cell phone, snapping photos on Instagram, putting technology front and center. The characters gather in front of lockers and discuss being ignored in the lunchroom and not being popular. One girl, played by Emily Grossland, kisses a girl and finds herself ignored by her the following day.  And suddenly it gets quite serious and leaves our comfort zone.  We hear the tale of a Bulgarian girl (played by Molly Carden) who is being trafficked by the police and a young girl who was raped and sex slaved from the age of 12 (played by Joaquina Kalukango). A girl from Tehran (Sade Namei) tells a story about how her nose job transformed her from being “funny” to “pretty,” and a Chinese factory worker (Olivia Oguma) assembles Barbie heads and has some serious thoughts on the dolls she produces every day which is very funny. Ashley Bryant is the queen of the short skirt and declares “My short skirt is not begging for it.  My short skirt has nothing to do with you.  It’s my vagina’s cunt-ry.”

There are some pretty dramatic shifts from laughter to tears but Ensler levels it out with profound language, spelling out exactly how this new generation of young women feels.  They are stronger but they have emotion:

Everything is intense to me.

I think marriage is really old.

Would you mind using a condom, please? 

Why are boys all over her?

Don’t tell me not to cry.

When all is said and done, the play has a very important message: that the teenage years for girls are VERY important and play a big role in shaping the future and that it’s still a patriarchal world and girls/women have to work extra hard to get ahead.  The ensemble cast works hard to tell these important stories and they seem to have their heart and soul tied into their work in this production, although I can’t blame them. The words they are speaking and singing are important…and powerful.

Apparently, feminist author Ensler traveled the world to find these important stories and she magically created a way to tell their stories through music, dance and dramatic monologues.  And it worked for me. Emotional Creature is about using and sharing our voices and I’m glad that she keeps back for more.

As for my daughter, I have some interesting years ahead. When I came home from the show and went to visit her in bed, I mentioned the show and how it puts young girls front and center. And she surmised that it means that one day a woman will be President.  Why not?  According to this show, we can be anything we want but it’s still not as easy as it should be.

Emotional Creature is performed at The Romulus Linney Courtyard Theatre at The Pershing Square Signature Center (480 West 42nd Street). Order tickets here. 

Disclosure: I was given complimentary tickets but all opinions are my own.

To prepare for our discussion, I read her new book: Intimate Wars: The Life and Times of the Woman Who Brought Abortion from the Back Alley to the Boardroom.  Hoffman has lived her life devoted to lifting the cause of CHOICE.  She firmly believes that all women deserve control over their reproductive systems, over their bodies, over their lives and has spent her life devoted to helping women.  Forty years ago, she opened a abortion clinic in Queens, the first legal one of its kind.  She has fought, seen battles and lived in fear of going to work, particularly in the 1980s when clinic were being bombed and doctors were being murdered.

Hoffman’s life story is fascinating.  Her middle name is actually Holly (my name) and she was raised in Philadelphia, where my parents were born. She was a classical pianist growing up but didn’t want to enter the profession so when she graduated from college, she didn’t know what to do and her mother made her go get a job.  She became a medical assistant to a doctor who performed abortions and her career was born.  She stumbled into her life mission and has dedicated her life to making sure women are able to get abortions. She also pioneered “patient power,” encouraging women to participate in their own health care decisions. Along the way, she herself had an abortion at age 32.  And going against even her own expectations for her life after fifty 11 years ago, she adopted a child from Russia and writes about her experience as a mother.

At a time when Roe vs. Wade’s existence is in jeopardy, Hoffman’s voice is necessary and as strong as ever.  In real life, she speaks just like I expected her to – she’s determined, powerful, fierce in her convictions saying that reproductive justice is a human right several times. Over the years whenever she has spoken in public to crowds, she has brought a wire hanger to get her message across. She didn’t have it with her but I had a vision of her carrying it over her head. She told us stories of the first woman who ever came into her office for an abortion and talked about the fear and shame she carried with her. She told us how she took a group over to Russia to build an abortion center and was defeated.  She is invincible and just goes after anything she believes she has the power to change. A trained psychologist, Hoffman has the skills to put women at ease and her clinic performs thousands of procedures a year.  She is fearful that women’s right to choose will soon be taken away and she won’t give up the fight to keep it in existence, bringing along as many as she can for the ride.

I highly recommend that you read Intimate Wars.  It documents an era and Hoffman’s transformational work necessary to bring about social change, even as she shares the details of her public campaigns. It makes me want to get up and change my life to do something as important.

When I first heard about the film Miss Representation, I knew it would be right up my alley, but for some reason it sat on my DVR for a few months after appearing on OWN.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to watch it, it was that I could not find the time to watch it (story of my life).  So, when I heard about an event in the city featuring both a showing and a talk back with Catherine Connors as moderator, I found myself immediately booking a ticket online with fervent anticipation of the evening.  Both a feminist and a pop culture junkie, I knew this was a film I had to see.

In the film, some of the world’s most influential women are brought together to explore the media’s message and depiction of women.  That list includes Gloria Steinem, Katie Couric, Rachel Maddow, Margaret Dawson and Gloria Steinem, but it also includes superstar feminists like Jennifer Pozner and other members of the Women’s Media Center. The film tells us that women are under-represented in every form of media, but also in real life.  It takes the stand that the media is portraying our primary values as youth and beauty over intellect and the ability to lead.

As the mother of a nine year-old who is definitely approaching puberty at lightening speed, I’m well aware of the challenges she’s up against and I want to shield her from as much pain as much as possible.

This film confirms that we have a rough road ahead.

It’s not a very encouraging film in the way of reality and truth, but it is so important.  It drills in how hard it is for girls today.  Images projected on TV and elsewhere make young girls less confident about who they are.  Add that to the existing peer pressure, and the pressure is two fold.  How can one be good enough faced with these images?  The stats are heart-breaking: 53% of young girls are unhappy with their bodies; 65% of women and girls have an eating disorder; and girls and women face rising rates of depression.  I sat there watching it thinking to myself, how will I raise my daughter’s self-esteem in light of these statistics?  Girls measure themselves against impossible standards these days, as they are becoming more and more self conscious.  In a society where anorexic stars and models are the norm, they have distorted images of their own beauty.

The film leaves us with so many thoughts and messages.  It tells us that we can imagine a better world for our daughters, but in order to do so, we must challenge the media and encourage girls to discover their power.  It leaves us with this powerful quote:

BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD. – Mahatma Gandhi

After the film, Catherine, who I am fortunate to have met and look up to in the world of social media and as a writer, continued the theme of the film with her panel that included Dr Peggy Drexler, the author of “Our Fathers Ourselves. Daughters, Fathers and The Changing American Family, Anneka Fagundes, a senior educator for the Girls Leadership Institute (GLI) and Dr. Fred Kaeser, the author of What Your Child Needs to Know About Sex and When: A Straight Talking Guide for Parents.  Catherine rightly stated at the front of the conversation the film is discouraging but that it confronts very important issues and that they are overwhelming.  Dr. Drexler felt that the film is biased, that girls are actually doing better than boys.  There are more girls enrolled in Graduate School, for example.  Dr. Kaesar told us to talk to our kids honestly and openly, from a young age.  Talk to them about sexuality, harassment, look them in the eye and address these important issues.  We need to be the one to educate our children and not wait for anyone to do it.  Anneka reiterated that the media does send powerful messages but that we can use them to teach our kids the difference between right and wrong.

I was happy when Catherine turned the discussion to boys, as I have one of my own.  Boys also need to be encouraged at a young age, so that they don’t follow the stereotypes projected in media.  They also need to be educated and spoken to directly about the issues at hand.  This also got me thinking about my own young son and how I want to steer him in the right direction.  It might just be time for another film called Mr. Representation.

Tens of thousands have already taken the pledge to challenge the media’s portrayal of women and girls everywhere, and even more are joining the campaign on Twitter and Facebook. These small actions are making a big difference. Together we are amplifying the voices of women and girls everywhere, motivating men and boys to stand up to sexism, and taking steps to shift our culture towards equality. Join the campaign today!

Disclosure: I paid my admission to this film and did not attend as media for any publication but my own.

Directed by Phyllida Lloyd, a British writer and director, and written by Abi Mogran, two women, I had high hopes that this film would take me through the journey of how one woman in the UK transformed herself into one of the most well-known politicians we’ve ever had.

At the start of her career in politics, Thatcher married, had a family (twins) and stepped into the traditional home maker’s role even though she clearly had bigger fish to fry. She clearly chose her career over her family, as the film shows her driving to a meeting in London, with her children chasing after her,begging her not to leave them. Later she announces her intention to seek the party leadership on the day that Carol has passed her driving test, earning a rare rebuke from her husband for putting herself first.

As I watched her become the highest ranking official in British Parliament of her time, the shot of her standing in her blue dress in a room full of men remains etched in my memory.  It looked like the film could have taken a feminist direction, but that was the last I heard of her status as the only woman in British Parliament in the film. We watched her battle with men over big decisions, and she certainly held her head high during every argument, which, of course, I admired.

The film shows that she made choices, as we all have to do, but as a leader, she focused on the kinds of issues that men care about – war, strikes, the economy.  She didn’t really seem to address women’s issues, like abortion, rape,  nor did she try to push them on her agenda, and she certainly wasn’t fighting to bring other women into Parliament from what we could see as every scene was full of men pushing their Tory agenda onto her’s.

About feminism, Thatcher herself, once said, “I owe nothing to women’s lib. The feminists hate me, don’t they? And I don’t blame them. For I hate feminism. It is poison.”

However, on the other hand, her husband did watch her career from the sidelines.  She did put motherhood on the backburner.  She was pleased when her husband tried to cook a meal to help out.  The film was made by feminists, including Streep herself, so it’s not completely anti-Feminist, and how can it be?  It’s about a fearless leader who supposedly transformed her country and stayed in power longer than any other Prime Minister.  But it does concentrate on Thatcher’s dementia and deteriorating state, and perhaps the only memories she is looking back on are meant to provide a certain picture as there are many things she did that were look out, and perhaps there were moments where she defend herself or women’s rights that we are not being witness to in this film.

Streep is outstanding, as always, in a role that covers 35 years of her life.  At one point, my husband said she played the role so well that he could hardly tell the difference between the real Margaret Thatcher and Meryl Streep.

I am sure that in her own way, Thatcher was a feminist and certainly did believe that women could do anything they set out to do based on her own achievements.  But the more tea she served in the movie, and the more blue suits and handbags I had to look at, it made me wonder if she was just “one of the men” and that is how she achieved her success.

There is a very interesting article  from the Guardian on whether she improved women’s lives without really ever meaning to.   It states, But for those of us whose world did improve, who saw opportunities swing open and had the background, wealth, education and circumstance to maximise them, she did something unmatchable. 

What do you think?  Was Margaret Thatcher a feminist or anti-feminist?

You may not know this about me, but I am a big feminist.  The funny thing is that I’ve been married 10 years, and my husband just found that out about me! Yes, sad but true.  As even steven are things are in my house…some of the time…sometimes we agree to disagree and vice versa.  When it comes to domestics, parenting, food, discipline, education, work, sleep, dealing with emergencies and more, we can certainly disagree.  I rarely talk about it on this blog or anywhere online.  My husband is very private and has forbid me to, basically.

But this Friday night, I am going to be vocal.  I’m joining Momentum for a BIG Twitter Party called “Rule the House” at 9pm EST.  Dads (and moms)  will come weigh in on the debate with topics about who performs what duties better, who can take charge the quickest, and which side really “rules the house”. It would turn into a serious debate, or there might be a lot of bickering and screaming.

Follow the #RuleTheHouse hashtag and either #MomRules or #DadRules, depending on which one you may be, and follow @hollypavlika, as well as all the party hosts for the Rule the House party!

The great group of moms includes:

Kelly Loubet, @Childhood
Holly Rosen Fink, @theculturemom (me, of course)
Kelli Catana, @kellidaisy
Tracie Wagman, @Helpwevegotkids
Mara Shapiro, @ChickyMara
Michelle Kay, @thedomesticexec

And the daring dads are:

Collins Batchelor, @CollinsBat
Yours Truly, @TheDaddyYoDude
Jeff Bogle, @OWTK
Tshaka Armstong, @Tshaka_zulu
Vincent Daly, @CuteMonsterDad
Joe B, @ManvDadhood

Please join us on Twitter this Friday at 9pm EST for the “Rule the House” brought to you by Momentum. There will be prizes given out throughout the party.   Check out the “Rule the House” Facebook page for more information and the legal terms and conditions.

Disclosure: I am not being compensated to co-host this party and all opinions expressed are my own.