And then I had kids.  And believe me, having kids has not deterred my love of travel.  We’ve taken our kids to Europe, traveled through Israel, toured the ruins in Mexico, explored the French country side and Riviera, driven through volcanic lava in Iceland and so much more.  My kids have passports filled with interesting stamps and memories that will take them through life.

But now nine years into parenthood, I’m ready for an adventure.  And I want to have one on my own.  As much as I love traveling with my kids, I need some time to myself.  To be able to roam through alley ways, nip into cafes and stay for hours if I choose to, go to concerts or old movies at night, take long boat rides, hike up mountains, see everything and follow a guide book if I so choose to.  Or just hang out with the locals and wander through markets. Take photos, speak to the natives, find out how they live and see if there is anything I can do to help them live better upon returning to America. That’s what I want to do.  That’s what I need to do.

So, I am. Tomorrow I’m heading to Hong Kong for a few nights and then to Vietnam for a week.  It’s not the ideal amount of time I’d like to spend in another country, especially one as vast and interesting, but I have a lot to come back to. A family to take care of, a business to run, a life that requires my presence.

My family is very supportive. We’ve got our plans in control. We all know things may slide while I’m away, but we’ve got our bases covered and what will be will be. We’ve been planning my departure for several months and everyone is ready.  I’ll leave lists which will ease the process as much as possible, but I’ve learned over the last few years that it’s okay for things to slip while I’m away.  My kids may not make it to Hebrew School one day.  They might wear mis-matched socks.  As long as they are safe, warm (it’s freezing in NY) and happy, that’s all that matters.

But every time I tell someone I’m headed on a solo adventure, they immediately assume I’m traveling on business and how the heck am I leaving my kids?  How can I not be traveling with my husband, and instead, a good girl friend who live across the country? Why is it so shocking, I ask myself, and why is it so unusual?   My kids are now old enough that I know they will be fine.  More than fine.  Nothing will change and when I return, we’ll reunite and believe me, it will be a wonderful reunion. But then life will go on and my trip will become a distant memory.

But it will be my memory of a time where I ventured into the orbit to explore another culture far, far away and traveled the way I wanted to.

And it will be mine.

How have you managed to maintain your passions since having kids?  I’d love to know – please comment below.

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Have you ever wondered the best place to be a mom in the entire world? How about the worst?

Save the Children’s thirteenth State of the World’s Mothers report shows Niger as the worst place to be a mother in the world  – replacing Afghanistan for the first time in two years. Norway comes in at first place.  The Best and Worst Places to Be a Mom ranking, which compares 165 countries around the globe, looks at factors such as a mother’s health, education and economic status, as well as critical child indicators such as health and nutrition.

Let’s take a look at the country comparisons: Niger/Norway:

-Almost 100% of births are attended by skilled health personnel in Norway compared to one-third in Niger
-A girl will receive on average 18 years of formal education in Norway versus 4 years in Niger
-82% of Norwegian women use modern contraception compared to 5% of women in Niger
-A child’s risk of death in Norway is 1/333 compared to 1 in 7 in Niger
-In Norway, the risk of maternal death is 1/7,600. In Niger, 1 woman in 16 will die from pregnancy related causes.
-In Norway, nearly 40 % of parliamentary seats are held by women; in Niger only 13 %.

Globally, malnutrition claims more than 2.6 million young lives each year, and, of those who survive, 171 million face a hidden crisis of chronic malnutrition which stunts their physical and mental growth and leaves them unable to ever reach their full potential.

Of the ten countries at the bottom of Save the Children’s annual index, seven are in the midst of a food crisis. Niger, in bottom place, is currently in the grip of a worsening hunger situation, threatening the lives of a million children. Four of the bottom ten countries have seen an increase in stunting over the past two decades – where children’s mental and physical growth is permanently blighted by malnutrition.

The report details a vicious cycle of young mothers, who may themselves have been stunted in childhood, going on to give birth to underweight babies who have not been adequately nourished in the womb. If a mother is impoverished, overworked, poorly educated and in poor health, she may not be able to feed the baby adequately, with largely irreversible effects.  Save the Children notes that in sub-Saharan Africa, up to 20% of women are classified as excessively thin, while that figure rises to up to 35 percent in South Asia. The report highlights that the best method for breaking this cycle and protecting the pregnant mother and her baby from malnutrition is to focus on the first 1000 days starting from pregnancy.

In new research for the report, Save the Children found that the simple measure of supporting mothers to breastfeed could save one million children’s lives a year.  Yet the report also shows that less than 40% of all infants in developing countries receive the full benefits of exclusive breastfeeding. This is due, in part, to countries lacking strong commitment and complimentary programs that enable mothers to breastfeed.

What can we do?  Convince our government and all governments to flight malnutrition.  How can we do that?  Head over to www.savethechildren.org/world-mothers to get more information and take a stand.

Please also go to www.motherhood2012.net on Tuesday 8th of May at 10:00 EST / 15:00 BST to see a global video conference, featuring high profile mpms from around the world talking about motherhood and child health.

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Since I started blogging 2-1/2 years ago, my life has literally turned upside down – and I mean that in the best way possible.  I’m working on interesting projects and have amazing opportunities presented to me on a daily basis, much as a result of this small blog you are reading.  It has led to new avenues in my career and the opportunity to write about topics close to my heart here and on other sites.  Quite often, I am doing a million things at once and have tight deadlines, so to be honest, I looked at this trip as a chance to educate myself from amazing women, but also as a retreat.  Believe it or not, even though it was a social media conference, I did not spend the whole time tweeting and posting.  I let myself truly be in the moment.

Part of the pleasure of this conference was also staying at the Ritz Carlton Key Biscayne. Located on a seven-mile barrier island south of South Beach, it’s stunning.  It’s serene and to sum it up, pure bliss.  From the moment we set foot in the hotel, I told myself I wouldn’t have to leave all weekend.  With the view of the sea every which I turned, I was set.  The setting absolutely complimented the goal of the conference: to inspire and instill us with passion.  One morning, I participated in a yoga class overlooking the ocean.  It was really a few days of allowing me to stop and put everything in perspective.

The conference attracts a lot of savvy social media moms, many of whom are pioneers in this space.  Now that I’ve been doing this for a while, and my work has taken a new direction as a result of this blog, I felt very comfortable.  At prior conferences, I felt more like an invader, but not so much this time.  I was in a room full of other women who are working in this space, so many of whom I wanted to learn from but felt more on a par than ever before.  That’s a good place for me to be in.  In several discussions, I heard that success is not all about numbers and statistics; it’s important to keep true to yourself in this space.  My goals of this blog are probably very different to other bloggers, so I am no longer intimidated by these conversations.  I care about stats, of course, but they are certainly not my main goal.  Like with any path, it’s important to know who you are and I am not trying to be like anyone else in the room.  I want to be myself.

Over the course of the weekend, I heard a few buzz words and I am going to carry them with me as I set my own goals:

AUTHENTIC, ENGAGE, NICHE, PASSION, INTENTION, COMMITMENT, CONNECTION

The conference was very supportive of all our endeavors, without addressing them directly.  I’ve heard from Brené Brown, the key note speaker in the past, and as always, she has always made me think about my goals and I was anxious to hear from her again.   She talked from her heart about the darker things in life that hold us back.  Her focus is shame (that’s what she studies for a living and is the topic of her next book) but she always brings it back to courage and determination. She told us that it’s okay to fail and that we should own the stories since we cannot write the end of a story that we do not own.  Owning our story and sharing our words, embracing what makes us vulnerable and facing our fears, that’s what is important. It’s important not to hold ourselves back because we fear failure.

Wow.  Yes, it gave me a lot to think about.  While I do not often share my personal stories here on this blog, I do get pleasure out of writing from within, but I am always afraid of over-sharing.  About that, she said:

“The most connected posts are the ones that make you nervous to hit publish and sometimes you just need to put it out there. You don’t need to over share and you should only share your most intimate stories with your friends who have earned them.”

She also said that we need to find the courage to tell our stories with all of our hearts.  We have to make a connection … and have at least one friend who will help  move a body.

When I heard that, I immediately texted my best friend back home who is not in the social media world to tell her I would move a body for her.  I don’t think she understood, she didn’t text back (I’ll explain it to her tomorrow!).  But the truth is that there are many women in this space for whom I would also move a body.  The connections I have made via social media are truly special and sacred to me and I do not take them for granted. When I looked around the room, I was constantly reminded of the immense amount of pleasure I get from this space.  The women I have met are EXTRAORDINARY, and I think that my next post will highlight these amazing women.

I haven’t mentioned the White Party or the hour we tried to beat the world record for creating the most widespread social network message.  Imagine a very large group of women standing around the pool tweeting this:

You inspire me. #DoveInspired

It was surreal.  There was actually a representative from Guiness Book of World Records in attendance!  It was truly magical and really showed the power of social media.  The goal for their sponsor, Dove, to donate $15,000 to Girls Inc., an organization inspiring girls to be strong, smart and bold.  We didn’t win, but we came close. Many of you probably received that tweet from me, now you now why.

And that’s the power of social media and the power of this conference.  For two days, I stood  in a room full of women who will move bodies, who make things happen.

That’s what I want to take with me and feel for a days, weeks, months to come.  To stay in the moment and remember that I am good enough. I can move mountains when I set my mind to it, with the right inspiration and support.  We all can. I came home with new ideas, new hopes, new ambitions.  For that, I am grateful.

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But what is bothering me lately is the fact that other moms have the audacity to judge my children, and it’s certainly more painful than personally being judged my other moms. They, of course, have perfect children.  Children who never have bad days.  Children who never get tired, or hungry, or out of sorts.  Children who behave perfectly at all times of day.  Children who never talk back to adults.

I don’t tend to talk about this often, but I have a special needs child.  Special needs in the sense that we don’t have a diagnosis but there is clear Sensory Processing Disorder.  The problem with SPD is that everything you know about your child is vague and there is no easy answer.  What you do know is that there are good days and bad days.   Often things change from minute to minute and behavior can be sporadic. Sometimes he doesn’t even want to play with other children.  He acknowledges when he needs a rest, which is unusual, but he likes his rest days. So, I don’t plan many play dates,  as a result.

But his quirks make him interesting.  He’s unique.  He’s a bit of a non-conformist.  He doesn’t think the way other kids think, he wants to do what he wants to do quite often and sometimes he may come across as difficult.  So, of course, it has happened a few times where he may have just been having a bad day, maybe he hadn’t eaten enough that day or maybe something very small annoyed him and it caused somewhat disruptive behavior – at another mom’s house.

But as moms, don’t we know that all kids have bad days?  You should never ban a child from your house because of one bad experience, or pass judgement on that child for not acting the way you expected at that particular moment.  And did you ever stop to think that maybe it was your negative energy that caused him to react badly?

I know I’m being sensitive, but it’s very stressful when the friends are no longer there or available to play because of a mom’s hard feelings.  Party invitations stop coming (not sure if I’m complaining about, though) and providing social interaction gets harder.

Granted, there are moms who do give him another chance.  At a good friend’s home last month, he became obsessed with his friend’s Pokeman cards and demanded that the child trade for the ones he wanted.  The mom was taken back as they had never traded, and both she and my son were visibly upset when I arrived to collect him.  But we talked about it on the phone and they have played again.  She just wanted to understand the rules of card-trading and I did need to talk to him about obeying moms at other people’s houses.  He does get fixated on what he wants, but it’s hard to make others understand that.

The reason I am bringing this up today is because there is one mom in particular who has asked her sitter to stop having play dates with my son.  The sitter is clearly confused about it, as I am, as her son and mine were very good friends once upon a time.  Apparently, she asked my sitter about him yesterday and when my sitter suggested they set something up, she gave her a look of negativity.  When she told me, my heart broke.  We are friends and we’ve been meaning to go out drinking.

Here’s what I suggest when a child acts badly in your care.  Rather than not invite them again, I would do the following:

1. Talk to the child’s mom.  Let them know what happened. Give her a chance to respond before you judge her or her child.

2. Give the kids another chance.  Surely, it can be chalked to a bad day.  If it happens again, take a break

3. But don’t let the break be extended or permanent.  Kids change.

My son is amazing and I only want him around people who feel the same way.  So, to the mom who thinks he’s not, please don’t ask me out for drinks again.

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This is the second entry in “I Don’t Know How She Does It,”  a series of guest posts about the working mom/stay-at-home dilemma.  It’s written by Bonnie Rothman Morris, the owner of Company B, a branding, public relations and social media expert known for her creative approaches to marketing.  Her clients have included Kaplan, Achilles International, Gevalia, Kaplan, Inc. and Shaw Henderson Interior Design .  She has counseled and developed campaigns for some of the world’s leading marketers, including Kraft Foods, eBay, American Express, LeapFrog and Target, and has also helped small companies tell their stories on a big scale.  You can read the rest of her bio here.

Source: Companyb-ny.com

I am growing weary of the working mom/stay at home mom dilemma. It’s been a part of my reality since graduating from college when I entered the workforce on a pathway opened up to me by the first generation of feminists who insisted that women have an equal seat at the conference room table. We had to act like men, wear suits like them (only with soft, floppy bow-ties), pay for our own dinners on dates, open our own doors and, when it came time to get married and have children, keep on going, find adequate childcare and act like nothing has happened to us in our personal lives.

We were completely deluded of course, but not in the way you might think. The implication was that the conflict we were facing was about personal fulfillment. But I realize now that working in an office vs. staying at home to parent is not really about that. Or at least it shouldn’t be. Working can be about many things from earning a living to changing the world through innovation.  But parenting is about raising good kids. It’s about creating an environment at home to enable our children to be great citizens, leaders, ballet-twirlers, goal-kickers and self-protectors.

A new study on the American family’s “passion points” was just released and the implications for working moms and stay at home moms are exactly the same: no matter what path we’ve chosen, we need to figure out how to make sure we’re raising our kids to be the people that we hope them to be.

The study, conducted by The Family Room, a marketing consultancy in Connecticut, found that the top priorities for families are:

1. Schools and education (45% of families)
2. Independence and making good choices (39%)
3. Time with family (36%)

There were other priorities, such as creativity, preparing a child for success and laughing and having fun.

So the question is, if these are the priorities, and they’re pretty good ones, no? How can this be accomplished?

Staying at home with the kids is certainly one way to make sure that the kids are doing their homework, not falling in with the wrong crowd and spending time with mom because, hey, she’s there. It’s even a pretty good way to bone up on those knock-knock jokes to add a little laughter to the day.  But working moms aren’t denied these, ahem, pleasures just because they’re at the office. A little bit of advance planning – say time to review homework before dinner, scheduling a parent-kid activity on the weekend, and making sure to meet your kids’ friends by friending them on Facebook to monitor some of their activities, are all good strategies. So is an ongoing game of Words With Friends.  Yes, it’s hard to be truly present when you’re across the country in an all-day status meeting with your most important client. (I have so been there). Yes, if you work you will be denied the unique pleasure of seeing your child open your front door after walking home from the bus stop the first time on his own. (Missed that one, too).

If our role as parents is to enable our children to be independent and make good choices, how we demonstrate to our children how we are personally fulfilled is the goal.  We need to explain to them why we work – or don’t. We need to help them understand who makes a good friend, show them how they can always be learning by doing that ourselves and, make family time a priority, even if it’s gotten in snippets. Being present when we are able to is how we’re going to be great role models for our kids.

And whether we work at an office or stay home with the kids or everything in between, helping to make great people is one of the greatest accomplishments of our lives.

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On Tuesday, October 25th, the moms who traveled with ONE to Kenya will be in Washington, DC to meet with their elected officials and members of the Obama Administration. They will be asking the White House to develop a bold plan to combat HIV/AIDS and bring about the beginning of the end of this terrible disease.  Expect to hear from me, as a ONE mom, to ask you to use your voice to speak for moms in the developing world, as I will be doing, too.  Watch this amazing video that features so many of my friends:

Join ONE moms and I in this Day of Action and be part of the thousands of ONE Moms raising their voices on behalf of the world’s poorest families.

It only takes ONE mom to change the world.

Disclosure: ONE Moms is a movement of moms everywhere using their extraordinary power to spread awareness for the fight against extreme poverty and preventable disease. These moms are leading a movement to promote education, engagement and activism on behalf of the world’s poorest. Recently, we took 10 social media moms to Kenya as a first step in this effort, where these American moms met their African counterparts and experienced extreme poverty as told through the lens of a mother in Africa.  And I am proud to be one.

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I was sent a copy of a new book called M.O.M. last week. I took a look at the cover with the image of superwoman in a box being passed from one child to another and decided that it was reading material for my 6 year-old son and I.  So we sat down on the floor and started to read.

Very quickly, I realized this was actually a book for me, not him.  On page 3, when I read that moms are the “the most advanced human models on the planet,” I thought, “hmmm….kid’s book?  I kind of got the idea on page 6 when the book started talking about signs of wear and tear on a mom and how it shows up in our clothes, skin and hair.  The first picture is of a “reasonably alert and attentive mom” (fortunately, that is the image my son chose that was closest to me).  She is nicely dressed and pretty organized looking (phew!).  The second picture is of a “pleasant yet fried around the edges mom” (which is normally how I feel, even if my looks don’t reflect it – phew!).  The third image is of a “barely upright but still functioning mom” – the image of the woman has fried hair, burning clothes, garbage on the floor and is considered to be a “cause for alarm”.

OK, I said to myself, this book was written for me, not my kids!

I was lucky to be at an event this week where the authors, Doreen Cronin and Laura Cornell, were invited to speak about the book.  They are two women who have been writing books for years and have clearly done their research, based on personal experience, obviously.

The book is meant to teach optimal performance, and it gives tips to avoid the most precarious mother-related situations teaching the reader imperatives like: how moms should be fed (and how often), why moms need more than one inch of space on a bed (hey, you, you have your own bed, get back in it!), and what to do if mom’s mad face ranks a 10 on the Mad Face Scale.

Needless to say, as a mom who is not ready to give up sushi for hot dogs, I related to much of this book.  The authors are making fun of situations that may not seem funny to us moms a lot of the time, but if you think about it, clearly these situations ARE funny and we need to laugh.

For example, it says that moms need sleep.  “Remarkably, despite their size, moms can sleep on as little as three inches of bed.  Science has no explanation for this.  Your mom is NOT getting enough sleep if:

1. She has packed you a lunch of unsweetened cocoa and a raw egg.

2. She has crawled into the trunk of the car.

3. She is trying to lick the bottom of her coffee cup.”

Yes, I have nearly committed #1, wanted to commit #2 and definitely committed #2…daily!

Moms need to run freely for a few minutes each day.  “Ideally, this will not include:

1. Running behind the school bus because you forgot your lunch/homework/shoes/sister or ….

2. Running after the dog because he is eating your lunch/homework/shoes/sister.”

You get the picture.  There is a lot to relate to in this book, and like the world of blogging that I have embraced the women I have met around the world who are more like me than the woman I meet at the school playground, this book helped me realize that I am not alone.  Motherhood is not easy, but you just gotta laugh about it sometimes.

You can buy this book now on Amazon for $11.55 (retail price is $16.99).  It will make a great gift for you, a friend or even your own mother.

Disclosure: I was provided with a copy of this book by Simon and Schuster to facilitate this review but all opinions are my own.  The event that I attended was hosted by the Buzzing Bloggers.

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Today was one of those days.

I was invited to a powerful discussion about an upcoming CBS News/48 Hours presentation to be broadcast on Friday night at 8pm EST called “Bullying: Words Can Kill”.

I have two very young children, ages 6 and 8, and I have yet to find them suffer from bullying, but I’m fully aware that it goes on in every school across the country.  Bullying is everywhere.  I grew up with glimmers of it in my own life, and I know how hard it can be on a child.

But we live in a new age.   A digital age.  My kids, and your kids, are fully capable of using all digital devices, and if you think about it, that kind of use is going to change over the next few years.  As my daughter grows up, she’ll go on Facebook; she’ll start to IM her friends.  Words that might be hurtful or derisive will not only be verbal, they’ll be cyber.  90% of all middle school students have phones.  Technology is more important to our kids than ever.  According to the 48 Hours report, reported by correspondent Tracy Smith, this cyber explosions is only making bullying worse, as victims cannot find relief from their tormentors in a 24/7 digital world. The report, with links to the CBS News website, will have important new information for parents, educators and legislators about how bullying affects children and how to address it.

For six months, producers and camera crews were allowed in-depth access to the classrooms, cafeteria and gym at Birchwood, a Rhode Island middle school that is one of the few in the United States that has openly acknowledged it has a bullying problem and has taken action to address it. The 48 HOURS special documents the real lives of students at that particular school, and has the powerful stories of other young people and their families from around the country who have felt the impact of bullying firsthand.

The CBS team behind "Bullying: Words Can Kill"

One constantly harassed 13-year-old told Smith, “They got inside my head. They did it because they knew it would hurt.” His mother said dropping him off at school was like “sending him off to war.” Tragically, more than 150 children have taken their own lives in recent years because they were victims of harassment in school and online.

We were introduced to Lisa Cagno, the mother of a victim of bullying who attempted suicide at age 14, who told us that her son was bullied so badly.   The bullying got so bad that he couldn’t shake the feelings. In the special, she says:

“He was hurting himself. He was cutting himself, and he would just (say), ‘I hate myself, I don’t want to live anymore. I hate my life. Nobody likes me, no one cares about me.’ And I just – I would just have to constantly just reassure him. I couldn’t get those feelings out of his head.”

We also met her school’s amazing social worker, Lisa Vachon, who has created the Can’t Bully in School Program.  She has integrated many helpful experiences into her school’s program including:

– Turning the student’s experiences into a dramatic play in which they act them out.

– Mentoring program

– Support Group

– Post anti-bullying messages around the school.

– Allowing the students to anonymously report bullying in boxes.

The panelists compared middle school to ground zero.  Personally, it gave me so much to think about.  As parents, we need to teach our children how to defend themselves, but how also not to hurt other children’s family.  They are smaller versions of our own selves, so let’s teach them how to be good kids, good friends, good people now. I’m planning a lecture at my synagogue about bullying in the upcoming months to help educate my community.  But at the end of the day, we need to keep the lines of communication open with our children and help guide them through these years.

So, don’t miss this program. Friday night at 8pm on CBS and viewers can join the conversation online on  Twitter.  Prepare yourself so you can help your children now or later. Remember, some kids may be too afraid to tell you what’s going on and you may need to look for the signs.  A lot of bullying goes unreported.

Here’s a video clip:

Disclosure: I was invited as a guest of the discussion, but no opinion was asked of me.  The ones expresses are my own.

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Plum District is a daily deal Web site devoted to busy moms looking for great deals.  Moms can expect to find two kinds of deals on Plum District – practical things that make their lives easier and special treats that reward them – or their families – for their hard work.  Deals will include discounts on groceries, family outings, kids’ classes and camps, restaurants, spa treatments, fashion, date nights, and travel.  And Plum District makes it easy – moms simply sign up online and immediately start receiving daily plum deals in their inbox each morning.

Here are some of the great deals that New York City members found in their in-boxes this morning:

• $5 for $15 of cupcakes and baked goods from Buttercup Bakeshop (on the Eastside and Westside!).  This includes our all-time favorites like their banana pudding and red velvet cupcakes
• $8 for a $15 VIPeeled Card from Simply Peeled – which you may have heard of is all the rage among moms, dads, and kids because of their fresh fruit concept (see: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/18/dining/18peeled.html)
• And $7 for $15 of wafels from the famous belgian waffle truck, Wafels & Dinges

Plum District is the “baby” of Deb and Steve Goodman, San Francisco-based parents of two young boys.  After witnessing a heated debate between two moms in a baby store over the last remaining Avent bottle on sale, Deb and Steve recognized that moms have many needs and are always on the lookout for the best deals.  They devised Plum District to deliver great deals to moms, where all moms could access them (without fights!), and to offer the kinds of products and services that moms crave.

So, all you do is subscribe (easy as 1, 2, 3).  Then you get sent the deals.  If you like it, you buy it.  You get rewarded when you share the deals with friends, $10 Plum Dollars when your friends buy, too.

Right now, as a Culture Mom exclusive, the first ten people will get $5 off on your next Plum District purchase.  Simply plug in CultureMom as your promo code at check-out.

#  # #

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