I might have mentioned here also that I just became a member of the Million Moms Challenge.  The Million Moms Challenge is sponsored in part by ABC News, the UN Foundation, BabyCenter and Johnson & Johnson, as well as the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. It’s an honor to be part of this prestigious group of women to write about topics of extreme importance, topics meant to improve the lives of women and children all over the world.  I am so proud to be a member of this group and would LOVE it if you could please comment on my first post: Going from One to Two, and now on my second comment On the Job Training.  Here is a snippet from my latest post:

When I held my daughter for the first time, I felt like I was dreaming.  The feeling that swept over me was unlike anything I had ever felt.  I hadn’t been prepared for having a girl  My belly was shaped like there was a boy inside and everyone predicted “she” was a “he”.  Being one of three girls, that somehow overwhelmed me.  And of course, she was beautiful.  She came out of my body weighing 8 pounds, 14 ounces.  She had these gorgeous blue eyes that penetrated into my own.

So, there were tears.  There was joy.  And then there was fear.

Curious what kind of fear?  Check out my article here and let me know in the comments on the ABC site if you can relate or if you think I am way out there.  It’s all about having a conversation, please join in.

Disclosure: I am being compensated by ABC for being a member of the Million Moms Challenge but all thoughts expressed are my own and my real experiences.

His comment about the photo was how different I looked back then.  Curious, I asked to see the photo.  It wasn’t a great photo, although my hair did look pretty awesome.  I must have just had it done by my then uber-expensive curly-hair master, Kristo.  My skin was so smooth, almost flawless.  I was also very, very slim (hard to remember those days post-baby).

It’s hard not to be slightly sensitive in these situations.  First of all, it’s coming from the man I’m married to.  We’ve been together for a long time now, and we’ve seen each other change, both physically and personally.  One has to expect change – nothing can stay the same.  Still, one never wants to hear that their looks are changing.  I”m sure that’s not what he meant to say, and I’m sure I misinterpreted the comment ever so slightly.  Nonetheless, it’s easy to read all sorts of things into comments like that.  Feelings can get hurt easily, but he was just pointing out something that was kind of true and factual…. that I’ve changed.  So has he, and he quickly pointed to a photo of himself to make the same points about himself.

Ch…ch…ch…changes.

Ten years ago was supposedly my prime.  The 20s and (part of my) 30s were magnificent times.  I was living in Manhattan, working on my career.  I could go out whenever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, travel when I wanted, see whoever I wanted, exercise when I wanted or go on a ski or hiking trip.  I saw three plays a week.  I was a free bird.  I loved living in New York City.  I had choices.  I was in my element, no doubt about it.

Ch…ch…ch…changes.

Ten years later, life is different.  I have a family.  I have to watch my spending.  I no longer live in an apartment, I live in a house.  I can’t travel whenever I want.  I have to think about everything I do; now all my choices have an impact on other people.  Everything I do impacts my family – I have to get a sitter when I’m not around or make sure my husband is around to take over.  I am no longer a free bird, but it’s okay….it’s a new phase of life and it’s lovely.  I love watching my kids grow….I love having an impact on two lives and I can’t wait to see how they both turn out at the end of all this…but I’m not in a rush.

Ch…ch…ch…changes.

But what else has changed?  My face looks older.  I have gray hair, which for a long time was very minor and on one side of my head in a small cluster I could easily cover.  Recently, I’ve noticed that the grays are spreading to the other side of my head and it’s only a matter of time before I have to dye it more regularly.  I have wrinkles on my face and my skin is starting to look different.  I no longer have time to work out as much as I should.  My life revolves around my family.  Life is is busy and sometimes it’s hard to keep up.

For years, my husband has told me I don’t care of myself.  When I get sick, it might take days before I decide to see a doctor.  It’s not intentional.  Some days, I work hard at my day job; I have to deal with the kids schedules and make sure their needs are met and that they are transferred from place to place and are fed and clothed.  Some days there is so much to do that I forget to eat.  I work from home often, and sometimes I find myself staying in my gym clothes all day without making it to the gym.  Make-up and jewelry have long been thing a thing of the past.  I used to be more into fashion, and stayed up on the latest trends, but now when I go shopping, I primarily seeks out items for the kids and my own clothes are very dated.

And time?  Time is ticking.  Life is going by so quickly now.  From the moment we wake up, we are running, running, running.  I wake up, make beds, get the kids dressed, feed them, make them lunch, get their book bags ready, shuffle them to school – sometimes on time, sometimes not.  Who has time to think about myself?   The only thing thing I do for myself in the morning is get a cup of coffee.  I can’t leave the house until I have my java, yet alone look fabulous.  I never understand how other moms arrive at drop-off looking glamorous and made-up.

Ch..ch..ch..changes.  How do you cope with the kinds of changes you can’t control?  I can’t control my changing skin and hair.  I can dye my hair, and I will continue to do so.  But I’ll never look like I did in that photo again.

But it was a very different time.  I am no longer carefree.  I have responsibilities much larger than life now.  While I do everything in my power to keep up with my interests and passions, life is now about the kids.

I want to age gracefully, and I hope I do.  But more important than anything, I want to take advantage of everything that life has to offer.  Maybe I’ll think about myself more often moving forward – in the few seconds I have between work and shuffling my kids from dance to piano to swim to T-ball to tennis to Tai Kwon Do to sewing to…okay, you get the drift.   Time no longer has the same meaning that it used to have.  There is less of it.