Before I had kids, I began to make sacrifices. I suffered through morning sickness, nausea, back pain, a fluctuation in weight and exhaustion. Then they came along, and I endured late nights, leakages through my shirt during meetings at work and even more exhaustion. Life changed dramatically and quickly. Then there were decisions about work. I let my job go, one I assumed I would be at forever more, to stay home with my children. It was a total upheaval, as it is for all of us moms and dads.
I’m not sorry for any of it. I’ve witnessed all of their milestones and I’m grateful. I’ve never really stopped working (I went back when my youngest was one) and I’ve had the best of both worlds. All I am saying is that there have been sacrifices, made on my part and my husband’s part. Life has changed, but ALL positive. Please know that I am not complaining.
So, what am I getting at? I sent this tweet out a few days ago:
How did I feel when my son blamed me for an injury on his foot when I wasn’t even there? Not good. Hearing “I hate you! You’re the worst mom in the world” after everything I’ve done for him, after making life-changing decisions that altered the course of my own life…well, it hurts, to say the least.
And the catch: he’s 7. He’s not a teenager. He’s a mere 7. I’m not sure where his anger comes from but his words are like daggers.
I know that he doesn’t mean it when he tells me he hates me and I know that it’s his own way of telling me something else. It’s actually the polar opposite and it’s generally attention-seeking, and believe me, I respond accordingly.
Do you have children that talk to you like this and how do you respond?
Holly, it must be painful to hear those words but I think every parent must prepare themselves to hear it. My sister’s response was always to say, “well you may hate me, but I love you!” I always thought that was a good, mature response.
Thanks, Estelle, I’m working on it and use that response often. I wish it was as easy as just that….
I can relate to the frustration and hurt you mentioned. Trying to reason with kids can be a futile endeavor. In addition, there’s the potential for the child to lash out at a nearby sibling. Not fun. That being said, as a parent, I try to defuse this sort of scenario by not allowing myself to take these sort of remarks personally (Leave my emotions out of it) and allowing for enough time to pass for my child to calm down. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t (see gray hairs), but at least it’s a measured approach to a volatile situation.
Vincent | CuteMonster.com
Thanks for the tips, Vincent. Calmness and serenity is a good approach. I’ll keep you posted on that (and don’t ask how often I get my hair dyed).