New York City Moms: To Hold Back or Not to Hold Back, That is the Question

It was exactly a year ago that our dilemma started.  We were in a quandary over whether or not to move our son forward to kindergarten in the public schools.  I went ahead and filled out the public school application, not sure of the path we would take.

Based on our son’s birthday, social development and overall readiness, we strongly believed he would be better off waiting a year.  The problem was that no one could give us a definitive answer on what to do.  As far as other schools were concerned, our choices were narrow.  Many were too expensive, and we had no desire to repeat the year at the school where we were.  We were continuously told by random people to beware of the stigma of not moving him forward with his peers.

The decision was stifling, also given the fact that the public school was determined to have him attend. It was a difficult time.  Not even his teacher could tell us what was best for him.  There was also no perfect fit.  I  looked at a Montessori School which seemed overly academic and another school with a class that would possibly provide poor role models. 
 
One consideration was to move him into the public kindergarten and to repeat kindergarten the following year.  Our school said that it would be no problem if we decided to hold him back the following year.  There is not usually a social stigma when you hold a child back so young.  Knowing that we could repeat was helpful and reassuring to hear.

In the end, I had a lucky encounter with an acquaintance at my daughter’s end of year school picnic.  We got to talking, and she told me that she was holding back her son, who’s a few days younger than my son, and was putting him in a private kindergarten about 20 minutes away from home.  They would be able to get a bus there and be in a class of no more than 15 kids with 3 teachers. 

I ran to see the school and enrolled him immediately.   It was a more affordable option that many others I had seen, but of course, not cheap.  But, of course, you can’t put a price on the gift of time that will help your child.

It turned out to be the best decision we have ever possibly made.  He has thrived in the class socially and he gets a lot of support from his teachers. 

Last year, I could not get him out of the house in the morning to go to school.  He wouldn’t eat, get dressed or leave the house.  I used award charts and all kinds of ploys to get him up and out.  He just didn’t like school.  This year, he dresses himself and runs to the bus as soon as it arrives.  After school, he gets off the bus with the biggest smile ever and it makes me so happy, serving as a confirmation that our decision was the right one.

In the U.S., many states dictate that a child must be five by a certain date to enter kindergarten.  It’s usually during the month of September, but the problem is that that the deadline varies from state to state.  Our son’s birthday is in November and he missed our state’s cut-off, so he would have been entering kindergarten not even yet five.  Children with birthdays in the latter half of the year, usually boys, can only benefit from extra time. 
 
Twelve months is a long time in the development of a child.  My daughter is only a year and a half older than my son, so I was able to see what the boys in her class were like last year when she was in kindergarten.  I saw the younger ones struggling with the work.  They were also the ones causing disruption during lessons.  The kids who were already 5 upon entering school seemed more ready maturation-wise.

Many evaluators did think that my son was kindergarten-ready.   But I think as the parent, only we know what’s best for our kids.  For me, it wasn’t so much about the difficulty of the kindergarten that is offered in my district.  Our kindergarten actually focuses on play and transition.  It’s not a tough year academically. We just felt that he needed more time to mature, and we truly believed that an extra year would do no harm.  We only heard positive feedback from other parents who had made the same decision for their children.

Our son knows that he is repeating kindergarten in our public school next year.  Since it is a different school, he has never really questioned why.  He’s excited about going to the same school his sister is at, where they’ll now be two years apart as compared to the one it would have done had we moved him forward.  Personally, I’m glad to be able to get them to and from school at the same time for the most part.  It will good for him to go to school with his friends from the neighborhood and hopefully he will thrive given the year that he has had to grow.
 
This is an original New York City Moms Blog post.